IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Write a letter to a company asking for a refund for something you bought from them online. In your letter: Describe the item you bought Outline what the problem is Explain why you want a refund Write at least 150 words. You do NOT need to write any addresses. Begin your letter as follows: Dear Sir or Madam,

I am writing
this
Linking Words
 letter to express my dissatisfaction with
Asus
Correct article usage
the Asus
show examples
laptop
Use synonyms
. I bought a number of items online but it was a bad experience. I bought the
laptop
Use synonyms
Change preposition
apply
show examples
from
Change preposition
apply
show examples
last
Linking Words
 week. It was working for 3-4 hours after I turned on
this
Linking Words
laptop
Use synonyms
 but suddenly it created a problem. I called customer care but they told me after updating it would be okay. But it still creates trouble after updating the new version. During the presentation, my all files were deleted and it was not a great experience for me. After that, I checked the bad reviews about
this
Linking Words
laptop
Use synonyms
 manufacturer.I spent $1500 on
this
Linking Words
laptop
Use synonyms
 which is a loss for me. I am expecting that you will refund me all the amount including the service charges. I look forward to hearing from you Yours faithfully Preet

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coherence cohesion
The letter lacks a clear introduction, development, and conclusion, which are required for a higher coherence and cohesion score. Consider structuring the letter with an appropriate opening statement, followed by a paragraph for each key point, and a clear closing paragraph.
task achievement
There is an attempt to address the task prompts, but the response lacks detail and specificity about the item purchased and the problems faced. To improve, provide a clear description of the item, a more detailed outline of the issues, and a reasoned explanation as to why a refund is warranted.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph presents a single idea to improve readability and organization.
task achievement
The writing tone is somewhat suitable, but it could be enhanced by providing evidence of the issue, such as dates and specifics, and by using a more formally structured request for a refund.

The Greeting

Depending on the style and aim of the letter, you will need to adapt your greeting.

Always start an informal letter in the ways:

  • Dear + name
  • Hi / Hello + name

‘Dear...’ is more appropriate, so stick with this.

For a formal letter there are two options for the greeting:

  • Use Dear Sir or Madam if you don’t know the name of the person you are writing to.
  • Use Dear + surname if you do know their name, e.g. Dear Mr Smith or Dear Mrs Jones.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Refund policy
  • Non-functional
  • Defective
  • Misleading
  • Dissatisfaction
  • Return procedure
  • Order reference
  • Product specifications
  • Discrepancy
  • Consumer rights
  • Faulty
  • Merchandise
  • Warranty
  • Compensation
  • Online purchase
  • Transaction details
  • Customer service
  • Remedy action
  • Substandard
  • Item condition
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