IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The table below shows average hours and minutes spent by UK males and females on different daily activities.

The table below shows average hours and minutes spent by UK males and females on different daily activities.
#hours #minutes #uk #males #females #activities
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A glance at a table provided reveals the amount of
time
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 spent by UK males and females → nên muốn ghi số nhiều thì là
men
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 and
women
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 nhé on diverse daily activities,counted in
hourS
Correct your spelling
hours
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 and
minuteS
Correct your spelling
minutes
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 per day.
Overall
Linking Words
,the first place was taken up by the
time
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 spent on sleep in both genders. In terms of the amount of
time
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 spent on personal demand,sleep takes up a majority of
time
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 in a day with over 8 hours in both sexes.Other activities namely resting ,eating and drinking
as well as
Linking Words
 personal care made up a miniscule out of
time
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,can be grouped into the range from 0,4 to 1,25. As for the
time
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 spent on amusements,
men
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's total
time
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 splurged on leisure is greater than that of
women
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.To be more specific,watching TV and listening to music are recreational activities which
is
Change the verb form
are
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 given the highest preference with over 2 hours for both genders,narrowly followed by
that
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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of
Change preposition
apply
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social life and culture with less than 1 hour compared to the previous data.Meanwhile,
that
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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of
Change preposition
apply
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Add an article
the sport
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sport
Fix the agreement mistake
sports
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 take up the least amount of
time
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 in a day . The remaining
such
Linking Words
 as hobbies and games
as well as
Linking Words
 reading can range from 0.23 to 0.37. Regarding the
time
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 spent on work and personal individual responsibility, most
men
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's
time
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 spent on them is less than that of
women
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 except for employment and study
along with
Linking Words
 travel with 3.45 and 1.32 respectively.In
a
Remove the article
apply
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stark contrast ,the
time
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 spent on housework
of
Change preposition
by
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women
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 is twice as much as that of
men
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 with exactly 3.
Submitted by hominhtrang995 on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "as well as".
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Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Basic structure: Change the fourth paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words time, men, women with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Only 5 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: The word "amount" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fourth paragraph.
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