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Writing Samples
Band 3.5

The bar chart belows shows the percentage of Australian men and women in different age groups who did regular physical activity in 2010. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The bar chart belows shows the percentage of Australian men and women in different age groups who did regular physical activity in 2010. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
#bar #belows #percentage #australian #men #women #age #groups #activity #summarise #information #features #comparisons
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This
Linking Words
 bar chart illustrates the percentage of Australian
men
Use synonyms
 and women aged 15 and over 65 who did regular exercise in 2010.
Overall
Linking Words
, the figures of women who worked out steadily were relatively higher than those of
men
Use synonyms
.
While
Linking Words
 almost all of
Use synonyms
men
Correct article usage
the men
show examples
 groups which didn't reach
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
50% accounted for over
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
half in
this
Linking Words
 graph. Looking more closely, in terms of
male
Fix the agreement mistake
males
show examples
, people
that
Correct pronoun usage
who
show examples
 exercised regularly
in
Change preposition
from
show examples
 15 to 24 years old were significantly higher than other
Use synonyms
men
Correct your spelling
male
show examples
 age groups,
although
Linking Words
 the figures of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
most
men
Use synonyms
's age groups made up the lowest portions than those of women.
Submitted by chicken on

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Basic structure: Write more paragraphs.
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Basic structure: Add more body paragraphs.
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Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Basic structure: Write more paragraphs.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words men with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "percentage" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "figures" was used 2 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • regular physical activity
  • percentage (%)
  • age groups
  • gender comparison
  • Australian demographics
  • bar chart
  • trends
  • peak activity levels
  • sedentary lifestyle
  • vigorous exercise
  • moderate exercise
  • age bracket
  • physically active
  • statistical overview
  • exercise habits
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