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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

some people get into debt by buying things they don't. need and can't afford. what are the reasons for this behaviour? What action can be taken to prevent people from having this problem?

#people #debt #behaviour #action
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The
behaviors
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behaviours
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 of
individuals
in
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apply
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accumulating debt for buying things they do not need is
a
Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
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concerning financial
problems
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problem
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 that arise from poor financial management.
This
 phenomenon is often observed in urban areas. In urban areas, the intense marketing strategy and the desire to prove their social class drive
individuals
 to make
an
Correct article usage
apply
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impulsive
purchase
Fix the agreement mistake
purchases
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. The limited financial ability to
fulfill
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fulfil
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 all material possessions leads
individuals
 to take
loans
for buying
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to buy
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 things they cannot afford. If
this
behavior
 persists, without realizing it, the amount of debt will significantly increase.
For example
, in Jakarta, more than 50% of young people in the productive age are trapped in online
loans
 with a higher interest rate. The pressure from society for young
individuals
 to own the newest gadget,
hangout
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hang out
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 in fancy restaurants, or own branded items as a status symbol will force them to take online
loans
 with easier access and requirements.
However
, the high interest rates which range
about
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from about
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 5% per day will give a huge burden to
the
Correct article usage
apply
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young
individuals
 with lower financial stability.
Therefore
,
this
 phenomenon will create a vicious circle. Usually, young
individuals
 tend to take other
loans
 to pay their current
loans
.
This
behavior
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behaviour
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 can
result
Add the preposition
result in
result from
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the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 significant number of debts which may lead to stress, distraction to daily life, and limited financial freedom. Given the significant negative impact of impulsive purchase
behavior
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behaviour
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,
this
 highlights the importance of distinguishing between wants and needs, having a mindful spending
behavior
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behaviour
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, and prioritizing
long term
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long-term
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 financial stability as a way to achieve
a
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apply
show examples
better financial management.
Submitted by misstiasclassroom on

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introduction conclusion present
Ensure a clear introduction and conclusion are present that outline the essay's position and summarise the main points effectively.
logical structure
Improve the structure of the essay by clearly separating ideas into defined paragraphs with clear topic sentences.
supported main points
Expand on supporting points by providing more detailed examples, explanations, and evidence.
complete response
Fully address all parts of the task, ensuring answers are relevant and cover the topics comprehensively.
clear comprehensive ideas
Provide a clear and logical progression of ideas, with each paragraph flowing smoothly to the next.
relevant specific examples
Use specific examples to illustrate the points made in the essay, ensuring they are relevant and effectively support the arguments.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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