IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The pie charts below show the percentage of time working adults spent on different activities in a particular country in 1958 and 2008. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant You should write at least 150 words.

The pie charts below show the percentage of time working adults spent on different activities in a particular country in 1958 and 2008. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant You should write at least 150 words.
#show #percentage #time #adults #activities #country #summarise #information #features #comparisons
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
This
Linking Words
 essay will describe the pie charts presented above which
showing
Wrong verb form
show
show examples
 the different activities of working adults and the
time
Use synonyms
 they spent
within
Change preposition
between
show examples
 the
year
Fix the agreement mistake
years
show examples
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
1958 and 2008 in certain
country
Fix the agreement mistake
countries
show examples
. As
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
can be predicted, for working adults, the
activity
Use synonyms
 that
spent
Wrong verb form
spend
show examples
most
Correct article usage
the most
show examples
time
Use synonyms
 is working, it is applied for
both
Use synonyms
 years as well. Sleeping is the second most
Use synonyms
time spending
Add a hyphen
time-spending
show examples
activity
Use synonyms
, which
Linking Words
also
Add a missing verb
has also
show examples
seen
Add a missing verb
been seen
show examples
 for
both
Use synonyms
 years.
However
Linking Words
, the
time
Use synonyms
 percentage they spent for
both
Use synonyms
 years and
both
Use synonyms
 activities is different. As
per
Change preposition
of
show examples
 1958, working and sleeping only
takes
Correct subject-verb agreement
take
show examples
 about the same percentages, which are 33% for working and 32% for sleeping. But, for the year
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
2008, only working
Linking Words
that is
Verb problem
hours
show examples
increasing
Wrong verb form
increased
show examples
 in its percentages by 9%, but sleeping
time
Use synonyms
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
decreased
about
Change preposition
by about
show examples
 7% in 2008. The smallest
Use synonyms
time consuming
Add a hyphen
time-consuming
show examples
activity
Use synonyms
 for 1958 is travel
time
Use synonyms
 to work by 2%. But the result is different for 2008, the smallest
time
Use synonyms
 they spent on an
activity
Use synonyms
 is surprisingly, going out, which was originally 19% in 1958, but
decreasing
Wrong verb form
decreased
show examples
for
Change preposition
by
show examples
 about 13%, and became only 6% in 2008.
Submitted by vanadia on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 67%.
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words time, activity, both with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: Only 6 basic words for charts were used.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 3 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 3 times.
▼
What to do next:
Look at other essays: