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Band 4

You went to the local hospital’s Emergency Department with your young child, who had severe stomach pains. You had to wait for almost four hours before your daughter was treated by a doctor and, while you were waiting, you were constantly ignored by the other staff. Write a letter to the Registrar, complaining about the service you received.

#hospital’s #emergency #department #child #stomach #pains #four #hours #daughter #doctor #staff #registrar #service
Dear Registrar , I am Poonam resident of Gandhi Colony. I would like to bring to your notice that , I went to the Sanjeevani Government Hospital on Monday
along with
 my
ten year old
Add a hyphen
ten-year-old
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 daughter.
To begin
 with , My daughter was having
a
Remove the article
apply
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severe stomach pain and she was not able to bear the pain
and
Correct word choice
apply
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then
Rephrase
so
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 we
have
Unnecessary verb
apply
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decided to visit a doctor. I would like to inform you that we
have
Unnecessary verb
apply
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reached
hospital
Add an article
the hospital
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 at 11 am and requested on
hospital
Add an article
the hospital
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 the front desk for
appointment
Add an article
an appointment
the appointment
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 but they told us to wait because
hospital
Correct article usage
the hospital
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 server's network
is
Wrong verb form
was
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 down and we
can
Wrong verb form
could
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 not book an appointment until they
make
Wrong verb form
made
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 an entry on
system
Correct article usage
the system
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. After several
reminder
Change to a plural noun
reminders
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 and we waited almost three hours
the
Correct article usage
apply
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finally
 we got an
appoinment
Correct your spelling
appointment
. even though , other patients
was
Change the verb form
were
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 suffering because of
this
 .
Furthermore
 , nobody
was bother
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bothered
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 to inform anything there. So hereby , I request you to please make
an
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a
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 proper arrangement in
hospital
Correct article usage
the hospital
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 so that
patient
Correct article usage
the patient
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should
Verb problem
does
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 not suffer. Looking forward
for
Change preposition
to
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 your
corporation
Correct your spelling
cooperation
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. Thank you Poonam
Submitted by preetiaug25 on

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greeting and closing
Ensure that your letter has a clear structure with an appropriate opening and closing salutation to meet the expectations of the task.
coherence cohesion
Each paragraph should focus on a single idea to maintain coherence. The letter should also use a range of cohesive devices to connect ideas and paragraphs effectively.
task achievement
It is necessary to address all parts of the task prompt in detail. The letter should recount the situation, describe the problem, and suggest a potential solution or request action.
suitable writing tone
When writing formal letters, using a respectful tone and polite requests is crucial to ensure the tone is appropriate for the context.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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