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Writing Samples
Band 6

The chart below shows the proportion of staff employed by age in the public sector in the UK in 2015 and 2020. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.

The chart below shows the proportion of staff employed by age in the public sector in the UK in 2015 and 2020. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.
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The pie chart depicts the proportion of staff employed by age in the public sector in the UK in two
years
Use synonyms
, 2015 and 2020. It is clear from the graph, there is a rise in the
percentage
Use synonyms
 of over 50
years
Use synonyms
 in 2020. In 2015, the under 21 was 14%, which is the lowest
percentage
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. The 21–30
years
Use synonyms
 records 23%, It is higher than under 21
years
Use synonyms
. The 31–40
years
Use synonyms
 is 21% which is lower than 21–30
years
Use synonyms
. The 41-50 group, they record 19%, and
that is
Linking Words
 the second-lowest
percentage
Use synonyms
 in 2015. Over 50
years
Use synonyms
 achieve 23% which is as same the 21-30
years
Use synonyms
 group. In 2020, the
under 21
Add a hyphen
under-21
show examples
 records dropped to 12%. The 21–30
years
Use synonyms
 increased to 33%, recording the highest
percentage
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. The 31–40
years
Use synonyms
 shown decreased to 11%. The 41–50
years
Use synonyms
 rinks 28%, and
that is
Linking Words
 the top 1 in the pie chart. Over 50
years
Use synonyms
achieves
Wrong verb form
achieved
show examples
 16%, which is a small decline.
To sum up
Linking Words
, we could say that the 21-30 group was higher in 2020.
Also
Linking Words
, 41-50 in 2020 is higher than the 21-30 in 2020.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "that is".
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Basic structure: Change the fourth paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 75%.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words years, percentage with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "proportion" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fourth paragraph.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • proportion
  • public sector
  • employment trends
  • age demographics
  • experienced professionals
  • demand for stability
  • employment proportion
  • retirement trends
  • policy changes
  • value experience
  • age brackets
  • consistent demand
  • notable decrease/increase
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