The bar chart below shows the percentage of Australian men and women in different age groups who did regular physical activity in 2010. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The bar chart below shows the percentage of Australian men and women in

different age groups who did regular physical activity in 2010.

Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and

make comparisons where relevant.
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he
Correct your spelling
The
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bar graph illustrates the percentage of male and female citizens of Australia categorised by their
age
Use synonyms
groups who
also
Linking Words
performed
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
regular physical
activity
Use synonyms
in the year 2010.
Overall
Linking Words
, the number of women who engaged in physical
activity
Use synonyms
in 2010
are
Wrong verb form
was
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more male whilst the
males
Use synonyms
who took part in
the
Correct article usage
apply
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physical
activity
Use synonyms
was
Correct subject-verb agreement
were
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less. From the
age
Use synonyms
group 65 and over neither the
males
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nor the
females
Use synonyms
have got 50%.
In
Linking Words
addition
Add a comma
addition,
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they
Correct pronoun usage
there
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were a lot of
females
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who engaged in the exercises than
males
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who participated from the
age
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group 35 to 44 up to 55 to 64.
Moreover
Linking Words
,
they
Correct pronoun usage
there
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were more
males
Use synonyms
who did physical
activity
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comparing
Wrong verb form
compared
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with the
females
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between the
age
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group 15 to 24.
Linking Words
However
Add a comma
However,
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the percentage number of
males
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decreased
on
Change preposition
at
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the next stage of the
age
Use synonyms
as
they
Correct pronoun usage
there
show examples
were more
females
Use synonyms
who took part in physical activities than
males
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by karigaruvimbo on

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Basic structure: Change the third paragraph.
Vocabulary: Replace the words age, activity, males, females with synonyms.
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "percentage" in your introduction.
Vocabulary: Only 5 basic words for charts were used.
Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Percentage
  • Australian men
  • Australian women
  • Age groups
  • Regular physical activity
  • Participated
  • Increased
  • Decreased
  • Proportion
  • Physically active
  • Gender difference
  • Engaged
  • Exercise
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