The bar chart below shows the percentage of Australian men and women in different age groups who did regular physical activity in 2010. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

#bar #percentage #australian #men #women #age #groups #activity #summarise #information #features #comparisons

Correct your spelling

The

show examples

bar graph illustrates the percentage of male and female citizens of Australia categorised by their

age

groups who

also

performed

Change preposition

apply

show examples

regular physical

activity

in the year 2010.

Overall

, the number of women who engaged in physical

activity

in 2010

are

Wrong verb form

was

show examples

more male whilst the

males

who took part in

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

physical

activity

was

Correct subject-verb agreement

were

show examples

less. From the

age

group 65 and over neither the

males

nor the

females

have got 50%.

addition

Add a comma

addition,

show examples

they

Correct pronoun usage

there

show examples

were a lot of

females

who engaged in the exercises than

males

who participated from the

age

group 35 to 44 up to 55 to 64.

Moreover

they

Correct pronoun usage

there

show examples

were more

males

who did physical

activity

comparing

Wrong verb form

compared

show examples

with the

females

between the

age

group 15 to 24.

However

Add a comma

However,

show examples

the percentage number of

males

decreased

Change preposition

show examples

the next stage of the

age

they

Correct pronoun usage

there

show examples

were more

females

who took part in physical activities than

males

Submitted by karigaruvimbo on Sun Dec 31 2023

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.

▼

Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.

Basic structure: Change the third paragraph.

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Vocabulary: Replace the words age, activity, males, females with synonyms.

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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "percentage" in your introduction.

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Vocabulary: Only 5 basic words for charts were used.

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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 2 times.

▼

Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 2 times.

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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.

▼

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5Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
4Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
12Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

147 words

5.00

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 9.0

Logical structure

Single idea per paragraph

Introduction & conclusion present

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Suitable writing tone

Appropriate word count

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Topic Vocabulary:

Percentage
Australian men
Australian women
Age groups
Regular physical activity
Participated
Increased
Decreased
Proportion
Physically active
Gender difference
Engaged
Exercise

What to do next:

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The bar chart below shows the percentage of Australian men and women in different age groups who did regular physical activity in 2010. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

it has been claimed that over 50 are not responsive to rapidly changing ideas in the modern workplace and that for this reason younger workers are to be preferred. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Some people say History is one of most important school subjects other people think that, in today world,subject like science and technology are more important than History.Discuss both these views and give your opinion

Some people say that zoos have no useful purpose. Others believe that zoos are beneficial in many ways. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Nowadays children watch a lot of TV and play video games. However, some people think that these activities are not good for a child's mental health. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

The bar chart shows the percentage of school children learning to play different musical instrument in 2005, 2010 and 2015. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.