IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

The bar chart below shows the percentage of Australian men and women in different age groups who did regular physical activity in 2010. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The bar chart below shows the percentage of Australian men and women in different age groups who did regular physical activity in 2010. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
he
Correct your spelling
The
show examples
 bar graph illustrates the percentage of male and female citizens of Australia categorised by their
age
Use synonyms
 groups who
also
Linking Words
 performed
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
regular physical
activity
Use synonyms
 in the year 2010.
Overall
Linking Words
, the number of women who engaged in physical
activity
Use synonyms
 in 2010
are
Wrong verb form
was
show examples
 more male whilst the
males
Use synonyms
 who took part in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
physical
activity
Use synonyms
was
Correct subject-verb agreement
were
show examples
 less. From the
age
Use synonyms
 group 65 and over neither the
males
Use synonyms
 nor the
females
Use synonyms
 have got 50%.
In
Linking Words
addition
Add a comma
addition,
show examples
they
Correct pronoun usage
there
show examples
 were a lot of
females
Use synonyms
 who engaged in the exercises than
males
Use synonyms
 who participated from the
age
Use synonyms
 group 35 to 44 up to 55 to 64.
Moreover
Linking Words
 ,
they
Correct pronoun usage
there
show examples
 were more
males
Use synonyms
 who did physical
activity
Use synonyms
comparing
Wrong verb form
compared
show examples
 with the
females
Use synonyms
 between the
age
Use synonyms
 group 15 to 24.
Linking Words
However
Add a comma
However,
show examples
 the percentage number of
males
Use synonyms
 decreased
on
Change preposition
at
show examples
 the next stage of the
age
Use synonyms
 as
they
Correct pronoun usage
there
show examples
 were more
females
Use synonyms
 who took part in physical activities than
males
Use synonyms
.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
▼
Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Basic structure: Change the third paragraph.
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words age, activity, males, females with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "percentage" in your introduction.
▼
Vocabulary: Only 5 basic words for charts were used.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.
▼
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Percentage
  • Australian men
  • Australian women
  • Age groups
  • Regular physical activity
  • Participated
  • Increased
  • Decreased
  • Proportion
  • Physically active
  • Gender difference
  • Engaged
  • Exercise
What to do next:
Look at other essays: