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Band 6.5

The bar chart below shows the percentage od Australian men an women in different age groups who did regular physical activity in 2010. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The bar chart below shows the percentage od Australian men an women in different age groups who did regular physical activity in 2010. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
#bar #percentage #od #australian #men #women #age #groups #activity #summarise #information #features #comparisons
the bar chart provides information about the
disturbution
Correct your spelling
distribution
 of
different
Add an article
the different
show examples
age
range
Fix the agreement mistake
ranges
show examples
 of
female
Fix the agreement mistake
females
show examples
 and males' physical
activities
 regularly in 2010 in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
Australia.
overall
, it is evident that elderly people
didn't
Wrong verb form
don't
show examples
 consume energy on physical
activities
,
on the other hand
, young
men
 attend more,
however
Add a comma
however,
show examples
women
 in
age
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the age
show examples
range
 35- 64 tend to do physical
activities
. In terms of the highest
percentage
in
Change preposition
of
show examples
male
Fix the agreement mistake
males
show examples
,
men
 in
age
Add an article
the age
show examples
range
 of 15 to 24 were very active in
pysical
Correct your spelling
physical
activities
,
nonetheless
, by increasing the
age
range
 it dropped, and the lowest
percentage
 belonged to 35-44 years old.
However
, the decreasing trend changed, and it slightly
increase
Wrong verb form
increased
show examples
 by getting old. It is readily apparent that the highest
percentage
for
Change preposition
of
show examples
women
 was in middle
age
 ( 45-54 years old). the physical
activities
 for
youngest
Correct article usage
the youngest
show examples
women
was
Change the verb form
were
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 as much as elderly
women
.
in
Capitalize word
In
show examples
comarison
Correct your spelling
comparison
 with
men
,
women
 totally had
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 higher
percentage
 than
men
.
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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "however".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words age, range, activities, men, women, percentage with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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