IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The bar chart below shows the percentage od Australian men an women in different age groups who did regular physical activity in 2010. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The bar chart below shows the percentage od Australian men an women in different age groups who did regular physical activity in 2010. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
#bar #percentage #od #australian #men #women #age #groups #activity #summarise #information #features #comparisons
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the bar chart provides information about the
disturbution
Correct your spelling
distribution
 of
different
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the different
show examples
age
Use synonyms
Use synonyms
range
Fix the agreement mistake
ranges
show examples
 of
female
Fix the agreement mistake
females
show examples
 and males' physical
activities
Use synonyms
 regularly in 2010 in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
Australia.
overall
Linking Words
, it is evident that elderly people
didn't
Wrong verb form
don't
show examples
 consume energy on physical
activities
Use synonyms
,
on the other hand
Linking Words
, young
men
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 attend more,
Linking Words
however
Add a comma
however,
show examples
women
Use synonyms
 in
Use synonyms
age
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the age
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range
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 35- 64 tend to do physical
activities
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. In terms of the highest
percentage
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in
Change preposition
of
show examples
male
Fix the agreement mistake
males
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,
men
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 in
Use synonyms
age
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the age
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range
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 of 15 to 24 were very active in
pysical
Correct your spelling
physical
activities
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,
nonetheless
Linking Words
, by increasing the
age
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range
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 it dropped, and the lowest
percentage
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 belonged to 35-44 years old.
However
Linking Words
, the decreasing trend changed, and it slightly
increase
Wrong verb form
increased
show examples
 by getting old. It is readily apparent that the highest
percentage
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for
Change preposition
of
show examples
women
Use synonyms
 was in middle
age
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 ( 45-54 years old). the physical
activities
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 for
youngest
Correct article usage
the youngest
show examples
women
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was
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were
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 as much as elderly
women
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.
in
Capitalize word
In
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comarison
Correct your spelling
comparison
 with
men
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,
women
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 totally had
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 higher
percentage
Use synonyms
 than
men
Use synonyms
.
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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "however".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words age, range, activities, men, women, percentage with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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