The charts detail the proportion of Australian secondary school graduates who were unemployed, employed or further education in 1980, 1990, and 2000.Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
✍️ Want to check your own essay?Write on this topic → Introduction
These pie charts illustrate students’ status of jobs after
graduatedWrong verb form
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atChange preposition
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an Australian school in 3
differenceReplace the word
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periodFix the agreement mistake
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of
timesFix the agreement mistake
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, from 1980 to 2000.
Body paragraph 1
, there
wereChange the verb form
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an upward trend in students who were employed, the opposite could be seen in
education. Strikingly, unemployed pupils were always the lowest.
Body paragraph 2
Accounting for 50%, learners engaged in advanced learning were the highest.
proportion decreased significantly and
continued to fall slightly to
one-thirdsCorrect your spelling
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of the total, at 37%.
Body paragraph 3
, people holding the job experienced a
graduallyChange the adverb
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increase by 15% over 20 years. Strikingly,
number made up half of students in 1990. Students who work full-time contributed
to Change preposition
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the most
of
observedCorrect article usage
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period,
atChange preposition
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2000.
Conclusion
In 1080, unemployed took up the least, at 10%, equivalent to one-fifth of the highest.
proportion rose moderately, it decreased at reached 8%
of the observed period.
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Ensure to use correct terminology when referring to data representations; the term 'learners engaged in advanced learning' is unclear and could be replaced with 'graduates pursuing further education.'
Be careful with the historical data representation; the term '1080' seems to be a typographical error for '1980.' Accuracy in presenting data is crucial.
The introduction could be more precise in introducing the data sets. Aim to clearly state what the charts represent, including the specific groups and years compared.
Develop a logical flow by using transition words to guide the reader through your description of the charts. This will improve coherence.
Incorrect format of numeric expressions such as '1080' instead of 1980 and inconsistent use of percentages and fractions (e.g., '50%', 'one-thirds', 'one-fifth') make the essay hard to follow.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.