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Band 4

Some people believe that governments should invest more in improving public transportation systems to reduce traffic congestion and air pollution. Others argue that individuals should take responsibility for reducing traffic problems by using public transport. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

#people #governments #transportation #systems #traffic #congestion #air #pollution #individuals #responsibility #transport
The opinion below describes the view of reducing
traffic
 and air pollution problems by the
government
's responsibility to improve public transport and society's belief in increasing the use of public transport.
First,
in
this
 massive and modern life, the use of private vehicles has increased in numerous ways. Most people go to work in their own cars/motorcycles to avoid crowds on public transportation. But rather than avoiding it, they tend to create other problems, like
traffic
 congestion and air pollution.
This
Correct pronoun usage
These
show examples
traffic
 jams and pollutants can cause serious damage to the environment, especially for future problems, years ahead. To avoid
this
 big event, the
government
 shall offer affordable public transport to accommodate the need for mobilization, which
also
 covers the main areas
such
 as workplaces, public places, crucial corners, and so on. But
on the other hand
, the improvisation made is not enough without the will of society to change. The
government
also
 need individuals to make a move, changing the way of using private vehicles into massive transportation. It is not an easy job to do, yet if
this
 works,
then
 the habit will continuously change and reduce the
traffic
jam
Fix the agreement mistake
jams
show examples
as well as
 air pollution.
As a result
, my opinion
believes
Verb problem
is
show examples
 that there is no one-sided responsibility to decrease jamming and carbon pollutants by using public transportation. Both
government
 and individuals shall make changes together in very efficient ways to enhance the positive impacts.
Submitted by aghnia.ulhaq on

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coherence cohesion
The essay should exhibit a clear and logical structure. Make sure to organize your ideas into clear paragraphs with a distinct introduction, several body paragraphs, and a conclusion. Each paragraph should be cohesive, with a clear topic sentence and subsequent sentences that support the main idea.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are crucial in framing your essay. The introduction should set the topic and outline the main points to be discussed, whereas the conclusion should summarise the discussion and clearly state your own opinion. Ensure both are present and effectively contribute to the overall argument.
coherence cohesion
The main points need to be further developed and supported by specific examples or evidence. Aim to deepen the analysis of each viewpoint with more detailed explanations, and where possible, include real-world examples to strengthen your argument.
task achievement
Ensure that the essay fully addresses the task by discussing both views and providing a personal opinion. Make sure the response is comprehensive and all parts of the prompt are covered in sufficient detail.
task achievement
The ideas presented should be clear and easy to understand, striving for a balance between simplicity and sophistication in language usage. Try to elaborate more on each idea to achieve depth in your discussion.
task achievement
Include relevant examples to enhance the specificity of your arguments. Examples serve to concretize abstract ideas and can make your points more compelling and convincing.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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