IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The bar chart below shows the percentage of australian men and women in different age groups who did regular physical activity in 2010. Summarise the infromation by selecting and reporting the main features,and make comparisons where relevant.

The bar chart below shows the percentage of australian men and women in different age groups who did regular physical activity in 2010. Summarise the infromation by selecting and reporting the main features,and make comparisons where relevant.
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
The bar chart below illustrates the percentage of Australian
men
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

 and
women
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

 in different age groups doing physical activities in 2010.
Overall
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, it can be seen that there was a fall in athletes after the age of 24, dumping from almost 53
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

percent
Change the spelling
per cent

The spelling of percent is a non-British variant. For consistency, consider replacing it with the British English spelling.

show examples
 to 42. In 15 to 24,
men
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

 exercise more than
women
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

, with a 5
Use synonyms
Use synonyms
percent
Change the spelling
per cent

The spelling of percent is a non-British variant. For consistency, consider replacing it with the British English spelling.

show examples
 difference.
However
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, from 25 to 64,
women
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

 are more active in physical exercises than
men
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

, with an average of 52 compared to 42 respectively. In the mid-thirties to mid-forties,
women
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

 have the most overtaking from
men
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

, with a 13
Use synonyms
Use synonyms
percent
Change the spelling
per cent

The spelling of percent is a non-British variant. For consistency, consider replacing it with the British English spelling.

show examples
 difference. From 45 to 64,
women
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

 peaked at 53
Use synonyms
Use synonyms
percent
Change the spelling
per cent

The spelling of percent is a non-British variant. For consistency, consider replacing it with the British English spelling.

show examples
, with a steady rise in
men
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

's physical activities from 43 to 45. As you can see, both in their Retirement years were nearly equal, with 47
Use synonyms
Use synonyms
percent
Change the spelling
per cent

The spelling of percent is a non-British variant. For consistency, consider replacing it with the British English spelling.

show examples
exercisation
Correct your spelling
excitation

If you don’t want exercisation to be marked as misspelled in the future, you can add it to your personal dictionary.

. In conclusion,
men
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

 did more regular physical activities than
women
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

 when they were teenagers and in the middle. The twenties. After the mid-twenties,
women
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

 were extremely more active than
men
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

 in exercise.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Basic structure: Change the fourth paragraph.
▼
Basic structure: Change the fifth paragraph.
▼
Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 73%.
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words men, women, percent with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "percentage" in your introduction.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "difference" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fourth paragraph.
▼
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fifth paragraph.
▼
What to do next:
Look at other essays: