IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The leaders or directors of organizations are often older people. But some people say that young people can also be a leader. Do you agree or disagree?

#leaders #directors #organizations #people #leader
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Weather
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Whether
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 the leader of a company should be
choosen
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chosen
 from older people or not
ia
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is
 said to be an issue of
braod
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broad
 interest and
debat
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debate
debit
.
Although
 the
experience
 of ages has been brought up people as a
high quality
Add a hyphen
high-quality
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managers
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manager
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, following
assey
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essay
Casey
 would argue that not only adults can be on charge of
this
 position
as well as
 elders but
olso
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also
 they can manifest it even better. Leadership, on the one hand, is a sophisticated concept including skills, innovative ideas, and
experience
. Being older, ones are expected to confront various
of
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apply
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barriars
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barriers
 most of which help them to learn magnificent points in their life.
However
, the factors of skills and innovation would not be crucially age-related provided the tools of educating
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
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accessable
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accessible
 for everyone
in
Change preposition
of
show examples
 different ages nowadays.
Thus
, working in
Correct article usage
a managment
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managment
Correct your spelling
management
 position is assumed to
concentrait
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concentrate
 more on up-to-the-minute knowledge rather than late information that
are
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is
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 experienced during years.
Moreover
, working systems have profoundly changed on account of
technology
Replace the word
technological
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 developments. Since it is of
compelicated
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complicated
activities
Fix the agreement mistake
activity
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 for
elder
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the elder
an elder
show examples
 to learn how to work with the new equipment.
This
 would lead to some complications
at
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in
show examples
working
Correct article usage
the working
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 atmosphere owing to the fact that lower skills
affects
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affect
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 their role as an integral part of
group
Add an article
the group
a group
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.
Hence
, the rapid
pece
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pace
 of improvements can have drawbacks in
this
 case and do not let them utilize what elders brought up. To encapsulate,
experience
Add an article
the experience
show examples
 might be a key factor
to lead
Change preposition
in leading
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 a system,
nevertheless
, it is not enough to solve the problems. The essential approach would be using
experience
along with
 skill and education.
Submitted by momenzade.mahna1999 on

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coherence cohesion
Please ensure that you provide a clear introduction that directly addresses the essay prompt, stating whether you agree or disagree, giving a brief outline of your main points. The conclusion should summarize these points and restate your position clearly. Make use of transition words to enhance the flow between sentences and paragraphs.
task achievement
Be sure to fully develop your response to the question. Each paragraph should have a clear main idea and be followed by supporting detail such as examples or explanations. Ensure you explore the implications of your points and how they relate to the question asked.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • strategic foresight
  • emotional intelligence
  • demographics
  • innovative
  • mentorship
  • collaboration
  • adaptability
  • networking
  • holistic approach
  • intergenerational
  • visionary
  • inspire
  • progressive
  • technological acumen
  • agility
What to do next:
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