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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

In spite of the many advances women have made in education and employment, yjey continue to be at a disadvantage when it comes to pay and promotion. in your view, what shoule be done to promote equality for men and women in the workplace?

#spite #advances #women #education #employment #yjey #promotion #shoule #equality #men #workplace
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even though
women
 have made their way to
work
 and study after many years of not
be
Wrong verb form
being
show examples
 able to do them, there are still some downsides when it comes to paying them and getting a higher position in
Add an article
the
show examples
workplace. There are some ways that
this
 problem can be prevented which will be discussed and I'll mention my point of view .
Firstly
, from the first time that
women
 started working with men these differences in salaries were always very obvious but unfortunately even after
women
 fought for many years it only changed very slightly .
However
, there are still some things that we can change ,
women
 should not accept
to
Change the verb form
working
show examples
work
underpay
Wrong verb form
underpaid
show examples
 and men
on the other hand
 should respect
women
 and have their back in these
situationsso
Correct your spelling
situations
situations so
 because of the lack of workers companies have to pay both genders equally to have their business going.
For instance
 in America in the
80's
Verb problem
80
show examples
 when
women
 had a lot of demonstrations for the awful situations that they had at
work
 and universities
over
Change preposition
apply
show examples
thousands of
women
 participated If men had their
back
Fix the agreement mistake
backs
show examples
 they might not still fight for
such
 basic rights.
Moreover
, the government should pass laws to stop
these
Correct determiner usage
apply
show examples
discriminations
Fix the agreement mistake
discrimination
show examples
 in the workplace between the genders because if
this
 way of paying
women
 continues it can lead to many of them losing hope to
work
 better or even leaving their jobs.
for example
, imagine how much progress companies can see if they act equal to
women
.
To sum up
, there are reasonable ways to solve
this
 problem and make working for
women
 more pleasurable. In my opinion,
this
 problem can be solved easily because
women
 have been dealing with it for over five decades and still there are no major changes.
Submitted by behnazahmadi2004 on

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structure
Ensure that the essay has a clear introduction, body, and conclusion structure. Each paragraph should focus on a single main point, contributing to the overall argument or discussion.
cohesion
To improve coherence, use connective words and phrases to link ideas within and across paragraphs, and ensure each paragraph flows logically from one to the next.
task response
Make sure to answer all parts of the task. Discuss both sides of the issue if required, and provide a clear opinion when asked.
grammar
Include a variety of sentence types and structures to clearly express your ideas. Avoid overly simple sentences and strive to demonstrate a range of grammatical structures.
examples
Use specific examples to support your points. Draw from real-world evidence, statistics, or hypothetical scenarios to illustrate your views.
accuracy
Check spelling and punctuation. Accurate use of English is essential for conveying clear meaning and professionalism in your writing.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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