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Writing Samples /
Band 3

Traffic and accommodation problems are increasing and government should encourage some businesses to move from cities to rural areas. Does advantage outweigh the disadvantages?

#traffic #accommodation #government #businesses #move #cities #areas #advantage
Nowadays we have a lot of issues with traffic and
accomadation
Correct your spelling
accommodation
.Certain people reckon that
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
government
Add an article
the government
show examples
 should promote businesses to
move
 from towns to rural areas.I assume that
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 there are more positive moments than negative.
This
 essay will look at the benefits and drawbacks of
this
 situation. The main
advantages
Fix the agreement mistake
advantage
show examples
 of
this
 program is developing rural areas.In present days a lot of people try to
move
in
Change preposition
to
show examples
a big
Correct the article-noun agreement
big cities
a big city
show examples
cities
 and after that small towns have problems with
quantity
Add an article
the quantity
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 of
qualifed
Correct your spelling
qualified
 workers.It could be positive
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
 both sides.
For instance
 in big
cities
 like New
york
Capitalize word
York
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,Paris,Moscow and etc individuals have
troubles
Fix the agreement mistake
trouble
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 with high prices for living and that program can be
affordable
Add an article
an affordable
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 alternative.The second reason is
enourmus influance
Correct your spelling
enormous influence
to
Change preposition
on
show examples
economics
Add an article
the economics
show examples
 of each country.Because of developing infrastructure and having more and more workplaces.
In contrast
 human beings always
wanted
Add the particle
wanted to
show examples
 improve their lifestyle,workplace
and
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
etc.Individuals who live in rural areas reckon that, if they want to achieve targets they should
move
 on to big
cities
 because of opportunities.
For example
 in
counrties
Correct your spelling
countries
 like
Kazakstan
Correct your spelling
Kazakhstan
show examples
,Russia,Uzbekistan
and
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
etc people who
was
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were
show examples
 born in that
kind
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kinds
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 of
places
Fix the agreement mistake
place
show examples
 always try to
move
on
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to
show examples
 big
cities
.It is human nature
try
Fix the infinitive
to try
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 to find
right
Add an article
the right
show examples
 place in the wild world. In
conclusian
Correct your spelling
conclusion
 it can be hardly denied that there are more benefits than drawbacks.If
government
Add an article
the government
show examples
will have
Wrong verb form
has
show examples
proper
Correct article usage
a proper
show examples
 program to encourage some businesses to
move
 from towns to rural
ares
Correct your spelling
areas
 it will be
great
Change the article
a great
show examples
 deal
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
 both sides.
Submitted by kassymov_99 on

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introduction conclusion present
Ensure a clear introduction and conclusion, stating your position unequivocally while summarizing the key points of the argument.
logical structure
Improve the logical flow and transitions between paragraphs for better readability and cohesion.
supported main points
Develop and expand on main points with more detailed explanations and specific examples to illustrate the arguments.
complete response
Fully address the prompt by elaborating on the extent to which advantages outweigh disadvantages, providing a balanced discussion.
clear comprehensive ideas
Clarify and expand your ideas to make your argument more comprehensive, avoiding general statements without elaboration.
relevant specific examples
Use real-world examples to support your argument, ensuring that they are directly relevant to the points you're making.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Urban sprawl, Traffic congestion, Decentralization, Economic diversification, Work-life balance, Sustainable development, Infrastructure, Connectivity, Skilled workforce, Supply chain, Green spaces, Urban-rural migration, Overcrowding, Economic disparity, Cultural isolation, Remote working, Commuter towns, Metropolitan, Commercial hub.
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