IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4

A big salary is much more important than job satisfaction. Do you agree or disagree?

#salary #job #satisfaction
For a long
time
Add a comma
time,
show examples
 many people made a decision to be a well-paid occupation rather than to follow dreams and achieve more in a lovely field.
However
, nowadays the number of people who choose the path of breathtaking achievements increases day to day. In my point of view, following the most desirable dream will be more successful than wasting
time
 at unlikely work. In fact, a
job
 which is done with love and enjoyment gives even more motivation and great results, than doing the occupation that needs just working hard without any satisfaction.
Job
 satisfaction provides more involvement to do the work plan and achieve company success.
Also
, nowadays many companies have
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 policy to keep office spaces attractive because staff will do
higher
Correct article usage
a higher
show examples
percent
Replace the word
percentage
show examples
 of jobs more successfully.
This
 will increase the company's profit. As an example, the “Google '' company office gets on
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
top of the most comfortable offices in the world.
Also
, in the
last
 centuries business culture
was
Verb problem
has
show examples
providing
Wrong verb form
provided
show examples
 plenty of
well paid
Add a hyphen
well-paid
show examples
job
 opportunities in STEM professions meanwhile, professions that need creative skills and humanities were not so popular.
Nevertheless
,
time
 goes on and creativity becomes highly paid.
The
Correct article usage
An
show examples
 example
for
Change preposition
of
show examples
this
 can be a lot of people who make money by being musicians, artists, actors or dancers. For some
reason
Add a comma
reason,
show examples
 it’s a high risk to get a big fan base.
According to
this
it’s
Verb problem
,
show examples
providing
Wrong verb form
provides
show examples
 that comfortability and engagement
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 more significant than a well-paid
job
 for
this
time
.
Submitted by aiya.galikyzy on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

logical structure
Ensure you have a clear introduction, body, and conclusion. Your essay should start with a clear thesis statement and end with a conclusion that summarizes the main points.
logical structure
Use a variety of linking words to connect ideas and paragraphs and to help the text flow logically.
supported main points
Make sure each paragraph has one clear main idea, supported by specific examples, explanations or arguments.
complete response
Fully address all parts of the task. Make sure to discuss both views if the question asks for it and provide a clear opinion.
clear comprehensive ideas
Present ideas clearly and develop them with explanations or examples. Avoid repetition and stay on topic.
relevant specific examples
Include specific examples to support your points. These can be real-world examples, or hypothetical situations that clearly illustrate your argument.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • remuneration
  • financial security
  • motivation
  • luxuries
  • material possessions
  • fulfillment
  • work-life balance
  • stress levels
  • mental well-being
  • job security
What to do next:
Look at other essays: