WORK: Most high level positions in companies are filled by men, even though the workforce in many developed countries consists of 50 percent female workers. Companies should be required to allocate a certain percentage of management positions to women. Discuss, what is your opinion?

There is no doubt that intellectually
women
are equal to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
men
. Many
business
establishment
Change to a plural noun
establishments
show examples
around the globe, undeniably,
managing
Wrong verb form
managed
show examples
by
male
Fix the agreement mistake
males
show examples
, despite the fact that 50 percent of
workforce
Add an article
the workforce
show examples
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
female. some people
subsrcribe
Correct your spelling
subscribe
to the idea that
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
certain percentage of management
position
Fix the agreement mistake
positions
show examples
should be reserved for
women
. I strongly
agree
Add the preposition
agree on
agree to
agree with
show examples
this
view, and
this
essy
Correct your spelling
essay
will delve into both viewpoints with relevant examples. First and foremost, the people who advocate for
men
Change noun form
men's
show examples
dominancy
Correct your spelling
dominance
is
Correct your spelling
in
show examples
business
Add an article
the business
a business
show examples
claim that
majority
Correct article usage
the majority
show examples
females
Change preposition
of females
show examples
are incapable of pressure.
In other words
, since the
business
sector in the modern world is highly
competative
Correct your spelling
competitive
comparing the bygone
day
Fix the agreement mistake
days
show examples
, there would be an immense cappasity to
handle
Wrong verb form
handling
show examples
business
.
As
Correct word choice
Women
show examples
women
are less competent to handle the high pressure, which is scientifically proven.
For example
,
accroding
Correct your spelling
according
to
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
recent study by the University of Harvard, a well-known university, in
marketing
Correct article usage
the marketing
show examples
sector indicated that
men
are
40
Correct article usage
a 40
show examples
% higher success rate than
women
.
Moreover
,
women
are reluctant to change, in the contemporary world, fast adaptation
of
Change preposition
to
show examples
change is vital to survive the
business
.
Although
women
have limitations to success, I
belive
Correct your spelling
believe
show examples
that
womens
Correct your spelling
women
show examples
have
Verb problem
are
show examples
equally considered as
men
and uplift them.
Nevetheless
Correct your spelling
Nevertheless
, the modern society
women
have equal
right
Fix the agreement mistake
rights
show examples
to
men
which should be applicable in all areas including
business
Add an article
the business
show examples
sector.
In other words
, the companies may develop
polices
Correct your spelling
policies
show examples
to reserve management positions to
women
equal to
men
. By doing
this
the
companies
Change noun form
company's
show examples
social profile will
boost
Wrong verb form
be boosted
show examples
up
Change preposition
apply
show examples
.
For example
, the multi-national
business
establishment Pepsico has been
running
Wrong verb form
run
show examples
by
women
leadership which provides the company
a
Add the preposition
with a
show examples
global
prespective
Correct your spelling
perspective
that they are
women
friendly,
therfore
Correct your spelling
therefore
, several female experts around the world are attracted to the company.
Similarly
, Since
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
women
are good at
manage
Change the verb form
managing
show examples
human resources compared to
men
, the
business
will attract more
pottential
Correct your spelling
potential
employees which should not be overlooked. In conclusion,
Although
women
have less
tolerence
Correct your spelling
tolerance
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
pressure and resist
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
change,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
women
's
right
Fix the agreement mistake
rights
show examples
should be protected. the
women
Change noun form
women's
show examples
leadership will attract
pottential
Correct your spelling
potential
employees and provide social acceptance for the companies. I believe that
womens
Correct your spelling
women
women's
reservation is vital.
Submitted by ck.manshad on

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Introduction and Conclusion
Please ensure that the introduction clearly presents the topic and your viewpoint. It's also important to have a well-defined conclusion that summarizes the main points and restates your opinion.
Structure and Development
Work on developing a logical structure with clear and well-connected paragraphs; each paragraph should have a clear main idea, with supporting sentences that follow logically.
Grammar and Sentence Structure
Use varied and accurate sentence structures and check for grammatical correctness to make your essay more coherent.
Task Achievement
Aim to fully address the task by developing ideas fully and extending support with relevant examples. When presenting arguments or views, make sure to elaborate on why you hold such opinions with clear justifications.
Spelling and Punctuation
Check the spelling of words and use punctuation accurately to help with the readability and professionalism of your writing.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

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