IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

women and man are commonly seen as having different strengths and weakness. Is it right to exclude males of females from certain professions because of their gender

#women #man #strengths #weakness #right #males #females #professions #gender
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Nowadays,
socialty
Correct your spelling
society
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
alot
Correct your spelling
a lot
 of
people
Use synonyms
 with good at things they like, but there are some
people
Use synonyms
do
Correct pronoun usage
who do
show examples
 not deny that, they think need to exclude males of females from certain professions because
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
their
gender
Use synonyms
not
Add a missing verb
is not
show examples
 suitable for those. In my
onpinion
Correct your spelling
opinion
, I disagree
Linking Words
this
Change preposition
with this
show examples
 idea.
Firstly
Linking Words
, everyone has the right to do what they like.
This
Linking Words
 point
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
alot
Correct your spelling
a lot
 of
people
Use synonyms
 agree that, because if someone
like
Replace the word
likes
show examples
 to do something, they will do better at things they don't like. You can see that in real life, a life that respects experience more than
gender
Use synonyms
.
For example
Linking Words
, my aunt - a girl have
alot
Correct your spelling
a lot
 of experience in marketing, she
very
Add a missing verb
is very
show examples
concentrate
Replace the word
concentrated
show examples
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
work
Correct pronoun usage
her work
show examples
, she always
feel
Change the verb form
feels
show examples
 that not enough and she trying harder and harder and that effort
gave
Wrong verb form
gives
show examples
 her big achievements, she obtained the position of general manager of marketing. I respect her so much.
Moreover
Linking Words
, everyone can do what they like, not because their
gender
Use synonyms
 doesn't suit them. They are
people
Use synonyms
 who can face to face with difficulties and challenges in their
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
. Maybe
their
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
also
Linking Words
 heard those reprimands and tried harder every day.
On the contrary
Linking Words
,
people
Use synonyms
 who exclude males
of
Correct your spelling
or
show examples
 females from certain professions because of their
gender
Use synonyms
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
are the ones who are more to blame for looking down on them without knowing what they experienced, that
people
Use synonyms
deserves
Change the verb form
deserve
show examples
 no respect. In conclusion, I think
gender
Use synonyms
 is not an issue that we need at work, because what we need is experience at work, not because that person does not fit the
gender
Use synonyms
. Today's society is a
gender
Use synonyms
-egalitarian society, so we must try to promote it.
Submitted by thuhong.68hnue on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
To improve coherence and cohesion, make sure to organize your essay into clear paragraphs with introductions, supporting points, and conclusions. Use a range of linking devices such as conjunctions, discourse markers, and topic sentences to guide the reader through your argument effectively. Ensure that each paragraph discusses one main idea that is clearly stated and expanded upon.
task achievement
Enhance your task achievement by fully addressing the prompt with a comprehensive discussion of the topic. Express your ideas clearly and develop them fully with explanations and examples. Stay directly relevant to the question throughout your essay. Make sure to offer a balanced view if the question requires it, or a clear and sustained argument if it asks for your opinion.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: