women and man are commonly seen as having different strengths and weakness. Is it right to exclude males of females from certain professions because of their gender
Nowadays,
socialty
Correct your spelling
society
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
alot
of Correct your spelling
a lot
people
with good at things they like, but there are some people
do
not deny that, they think need to exclude males of females from certain professions because Correct pronoun usage
who do
of
their Change preposition
apply
gender
not
suitable for those. In my Add a missing verb
is not
onpinion
, I disagree Correct your spelling
opinion
this
idea.
Change preposition
with this
Firstly
, everyone has the right to do what they like. This
point have
Change the verb form
has
alot
of Correct your spelling
a lot
people
agree that, because if someone like
to do something, they will do better at things they don't like. You can see that in real life, a life that respects experience more than Replace the word
likes
gender
. For example
, my aunt - a girl have alot
of experience in marketing, she Correct your spelling
a lot
very
Add a missing verb
is very
concentrate
Replace the word
concentrated
in
Change preposition
on
work
, she always Correct pronoun usage
her work
feel
that not enough and she trying harder and harder and that effort Change the verb form
feels
gave
her big achievements, she obtained the position of general manager of marketing. I respect her so much.
Wrong verb form
gives
Moreover
, everyone can do what they like, not because their gender
doesn't suit them. They are people
who can face to face with difficulties and challenges in their life
. Maybe Fix the agreement mistake
lives
their
Correct pronoun usage
they
also
heard those reprimands and tried harder every day. On the contrary
, people
who exclude males of
females from certain professions because of their Correct your spelling
or
gender
is
are the ones who are more to blame for looking down on them without knowing what they experienced, that Unnecessary verb
apply
people
deserves
no respect.
In conclusion, I think Change the verb form
deserve
gender
is not an issue that we need at work, because what we need is experience at work, not because that person does not fit the gender
. Today's society is a gender
-egalitarian society, so we must try to promote it.Submitted by thuhong.68hnue on
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coherence cohesion
To improve coherence and cohesion, make sure to organize your essay into clear paragraphs with introductions, supporting points, and conclusions. Use a range of linking devices such as conjunctions, discourse markers, and topic sentences to guide the reader through your argument effectively. Ensure that each paragraph discusses one main idea that is clearly stated and expanded upon.
task achievement
Enhance your task achievement by fully addressing the prompt with a comprehensive discussion of the topic. Express your ideas clearly and develop them fully with explanations and examples. Stay directly relevant to the question throughout your essay. Make sure to offer a balanced view if the question requires it, or a clear and sustained argument if it asks for your opinion.
Your opinion
Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.
If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.
Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.
Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:
...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?
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