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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The graph below shows food consumption in Australia between 1950 and 2010. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparison where relevant.

The graph below shows food consumption in Australia between 1950 and 2010. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparison where relevant.
#food #consumption #australia #summarise #information #features #comparison
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The line graph provides information about the
food
Use synonyms
consumption
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 per individual per
kg
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,
such
Linking Words
 as vegetables, fruit,
meat
Use synonyms
, bread, and seafood, in Australia over a ten-year period from 1950 to 2010.
Overall
Linking Words
, by 2010,
consumption
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 had increased in all
food
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 categories except for
meat
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, which had declined. The most popular
food
Use synonyms
 which was eaten by Australians in the given period of time was vegetables.
Although
Linking Words
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 it can be seen from the graph that the line fluctuated,
however
Linking Words
,
at the end
Linking Words
, there were still 160
kg
Use synonyms
 of vegetables consumed in 2010. For
meat
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consumption
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, in 1950, about 110
kg
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 was consumed per person annually. There was a decline in
meat
Use synonyms
consumption
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 from 1980 to 2000.
Initially
Linking Words
,
meat
Use synonyms
 was the second most popular,
however
Linking Words
, there was a significant drop, and the result was
meat
Use synonyms
 ranked third in 2010. The
consumption
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 of fruit which was 30
kg
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 below the
meat
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 made a dramatic increase in 1970-2010, making fruit the second most popular
food
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. From 1950-1970, the
consumption
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 of bread rose moderately,
however
Linking Words
, in 1970-2000, it plummeted until 2000 and it
starts
Wrong verb form
started
show examples
 to have a slight increase
at the end
Linking Words
.
In contrast
Linking Words
, there were no significant changes
for
Change preposition
in
show examples
 seafood
consumption
Use synonyms
 as the line shows steady growth.
Submitted by nadiamanda.salsabilla on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "at the end, however".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words food, consumption, kg, meat with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "information" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "graph" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "declined" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "significant" was used 2 times.
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