IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

The bar charts illustrate the activities that UK graduate and postgraduate student did instead of full-time work after learing college in 2008. Overall, the proportion between both types of the student is similar. Most of them studied further, while the rest of them worked voluntaraly. The most often picked option for students is to continue their studyings with the estimate amount of 29665 graduates and 2725 postgraduates. Second in popularity is a part-time work counting 17735 graduates while only 2535 postgraduates.

The bar charts illustrate the activities that UK graduate and postgraduate student did instead of full-time work after learing college in 2008. Overall, the proportion between both types of the student is similar. Most of them studied further, while the rest of them worked voluntaraly. The most often picked option for students is to continue their studyings with the estimate amount of 29665 graduates and 2725 postgraduates. Second in popularity is a part-time work counting 17735 graduates while only 2535 postgraduates.
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The two bar charts illustrate the UK
students
Use synonyms
 who went to full-time jobs as postgraduates and graduate
students
Use synonyms
 in 2008.
Overall
Linking Words
,
it is clear that
Linking Words
 going to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
further
Linking Words
 study was the optimal choice for undergraduates and postgraduates. Meanwhile,
students
Use synonyms
 who did the voluntary work were the
least
Correct word choice
lowest
show examples
. In the first graph, there were less than 30,000
students
Use synonyms
 looking for better degrees in 2008, which is two times higher than the unemployment, at 16235. And
then
Linking Words
, only 3500 people had the willingness to do the volunteering work.
This
Linking Words
 figure was far lower than the amounts of people in part-time jobs. In the second picture, a similar number can be seen for part-time work and
further
Linking Words
 study, with 2535 and 2735 respectively.
However
Linking Words
, unemployment accounted for less than 1700. In the end, the smallest amount was the same as the first graph, it represented merely 345 people.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "further".
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Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Vocabulary: Replace the words students with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "illustrate" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: Only 6 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: The word "graph" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "amounts" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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