IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The chart below shows the proportions of british students at one university in england who were able to speak other languages in addition to english,in 2000 and 2010.

The chart below shows the proportions of british students at one university in england who were able to speak other languages in addition to english,in 2000 and 2010.
#proportions #british #students #university #england #languages #addition #english
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
The surveys were done 2 times,
in
Change the preposition
at
show examples
 the beginning of the first
decade
Use synonyms
 of
21st
Correct article usage
the 21st
show examples
 century and
at the end
Linking Words
 of the
decade
Use synonyms
. The
surveys result
Fix the agreement mistake
survey results
show examples
 are grouped into 3 big categories:
students
Use synonyms
 who only speak
English
Use synonyms
,
students
Use synonyms
 who speak
English
Use synonyms
 and 1 other
language
Use synonyms
 and
students
Use synonyms
 who speak
English
Use synonyms
 and 2 other
languages
Use synonyms
. For the dual
language
Use synonyms
 category, it is
then
Linking Words
 divided into several
second
Use synonyms
languages
Use synonyms
( other than
English
Use synonyms
) list. These
second
Use synonyms
languages
Use synonyms
 are German, French, Spanish and
another
Fix the agreement mistake
other languages
show examples
language
Use synonyms
( other than the previous ones).
Students
Use synonyms
 who speak dual
languages
Use synonyms
 represented the biggest proportion, constituting more than half of the total population both in 2000 and 2010. Spanish was the most spoken
second
Use synonyms
language
Use synonyms
 in both years.
Students
Use synonyms
 who spoke only the
English
Use synonyms
language
Use synonyms
 represented the
second
Use synonyms
 biggest
number
Use synonyms
 in 2000,
while
Linking Words
 in 2010, they shared the same
number
Use synonyms
people
Change preposition
of people
show examples
 who
speak
Wrong verb form
spoke
show examples
 three
languages
Use synonyms
. The
number
Use synonyms
 of
students
Use synonyms
 who speak
English
Use synonyms
 only
was
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
decreased by half from 2000 to 2010. For the dual
language
Use synonyms
 category, French experienced a decline of 5% in a
decade
Use synonyms
,
while
Linking Words
 Spanish and other
languages
Use synonyms
 enjoyed an increase in the span of 10 years.
germany
Change the capitalization
Germany
show examples
 remained unchanged throughout the
decade
Use synonyms
. The
number
Use synonyms
 of
students
Use synonyms
 who speak three
languages
Use synonyms
 remained stable as well in both
survey
Change to a plural noun
surveys
show examples
. It can be concluded that more
students
Use synonyms
 were capable of speaking dual
languages
Use synonyms
 throughout the years.
Submitted by nicolasbungaran on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
▼
Introduction: The introduction is missing.
▼
Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
▼
Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words decade, students, english, language, languages, second, number with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "represented" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "remained" was used 2 times.
▼
Topic Vocabulary:
  • bilingual
  • multilingual
  • proficiency
  • linguistic diversity
  • polyglot
  • language acquisition
  • second language (L2)
  • foreign language
  • fluency
  • working knowledge
  • mother tongue
  • language competence
  • language decline
  • cultural exchange
  • global language
What to do next:
Look at other essays: