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Band 4.5

Some people think that developed countries have a higher responsibility to combat climate change than developing countries. Others believe that all countries should have the same responsibilities towards protecting the environment. Discuss both views and give your own opinion. Write at least 250 words.

#people #countries #responsibility #combat #climate #change #responsibilities #environment
The
responsibility
 of
climate
change
 has become
debatable
Correct article usage
a debatable
show examples
 issue these days. Some people contend that developed
countries
 should have
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
higher
responsibility
,
while
 others argue that all
countries
 should have equal
responsibility
 toward the problem.
This
 essay will examine
both
 views before presenting a concerned conclusion. On one hand, proponents argue that developed
countries
has
Change the verb form
have
show examples
 contributed the biggest proportion of
climate
change
 issues compared to richer
countries
.
It
Correct pronoun usage
This
show examples
 is because most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
developed
countries
 have no idea
to
Rephrase
how to
show examples
 develop advanced technologies to tackle the problems related to
climate
change
.
For example
, citizens who live in developed
countries
 still use ordinary cars
instead
 of electric vehicles. The fume that
contain
Change the verb form
contains
show examples
 carbon dioxide
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
big
Add an article
a big
show examples
 contribution
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 air pollution, leading to
worse
Add an article
the worse
a worse
show examples
condition
Fix the agreement mistake
conditions
show examples
 as
climate
change
 in the long run.
As a result
, many people think that developed
countries
 should have
bigger
Correct article usage
a bigger
show examples
 proportion for combating
climate
change
 as they become the main reason for
climate
change
happened
Verb problem
apply
show examples
.
On the other hand
, opponents contend that all
countries
 should have equal
responsibility
 to overcome
climate
change
. They propose
an
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 idea that
climate
change
 is becoming
complicated
Add an article
a complicated
show examples
 international issue that cannot be tackled by just part areas. There are many reasons why
climate
change
happened
Wrong verb form
happens
show examples
, including deforestation and air pollution. Some citizens argue that we cannot point out certain
countries
 as the reason for
this
 as
both
 deforestation and air pollution can
happend
Correct your spelling
happen
 in
both
 developed and richer
countries
. We need to join
hand
Fix the agreement mistake
hands
show examples
 together to resolve problems, so equity and equality among
countries
 will be achieved. In my opinion, the
scond
Correct your spelling
second
 view should be prioritized to avoid unintended
consequence
Fix the agreement mistake
consequences
show examples
.
For instance
, developed
countries
 might envy
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
other
countries
 if they must shoulder bigger participation to alleviate
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
climate
change
. Logically,
this
 is because they believe that richer
countries
 usually stand as
super power
Correct your spelling
superpower
show examples
region
Fix the agreement mistake
regions
show examples
 among other states
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 so
that
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
they can easily convince others through their actions
such
 as having a campaign related to
negative
Correct article usage
the negative
show examples
 effects of global warming. In conclusion,
both
 views are credible,
however
, I believe that combating
climate
change
 should be responsible for all
countries
 to gain
similar
Correct article usage
a similar
show examples
 proportion
jobs
Change preposition
of jobs
show examples
among
Change preposition
apply
show examples
all
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
.
Submitted by misstiasclassroom on

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Coherence and Cohesion
Be sure to organize your ideas more logically, and make sure each paragraph flows well into the next. Use transitional phrases to improve coherence between your ideas.
Coherence and Cohesion
Introduce your topic and your viewpoint more clearly in the introduction. Make sure your conclusion effectively summarizes your main points and reiterates your position.
Task Achievement
Aim to develop your main points further by providing more concrete examples and evidence. This will help strengthen your argument and give your essay more depth.
Task Achievement
Avoid repetition of phrases and ideas, and try to use a wider range of vocabulary and sentence structures.
Task Achievement
Clarify your own position in relation to the two views discussed. While you have given an opinion, it would benefit from being more directly related to the prompt and clearly stated.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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