IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people think that developed countries have a higher responsibility to combat climate change than developing countries. Others believe that all countries should have the same responsibilities towards protecting the environment. Discuss both views and give your own opinion. Write at least 250 words.

#people #countries #responsibility #combat #climate #change #responsibilities #environment
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The
responsibility
Use synonyms
 of
climate
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change
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 has become
debatable
Correct article usage
a debatable
show examples
 issue these days. Some people contend that developed
countries
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 should have
the
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apply
show examples
higher
responsibility
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,
while
Linking Words
 others argue that all
countries
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 should have equal
responsibility
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 toward the problem.
This
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 essay will examine
both
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 views before presenting a concerned conclusion. On one hand, proponents argue that developed
countries
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has
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have
show examples
 contributed the biggest proportion of
climate
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change
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 issues compared to richer
countries
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.
It
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This
show examples
 is because most
of
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apply
show examples
developed
countries
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 have no idea
to
Rephrase
how to
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 develop advanced technologies to tackle the problems related to
climate
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change
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.
For example
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, citizens who live in developed
countries
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 still use ordinary cars
instead
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 of electric vehicles. The fume that
contain
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contains
show examples
 carbon dioxide
have
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has
show examples
big
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a big
show examples
 contribution
for
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to
show examples
 air pollution, leading to
worse
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the worse
a worse
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condition
Fix the agreement mistake
conditions
show examples
 as
climate
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change
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 in the long run.
As a result
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, many people think that developed
countries
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 should have
bigger
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a bigger
show examples
 proportion for combating
climate
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change
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 as they become the main reason for
climate
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change
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happened
Verb problem
apply
show examples
.
On the other hand
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, opponents contend that all
countries
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 should have equal
responsibility
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 to overcome
climate
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change
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. They propose
an
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the
show examples
 idea that
climate
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change
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 is becoming
complicated
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a complicated
show examples
 international issue that cannot be tackled by just part areas. There are many reasons why
climate
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change
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happened
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happens
show examples
, including deforestation and air pollution. Some citizens argue that we cannot point out certain
countries
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 as the reason for
this
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 as
both
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 deforestation and air pollution can
happend
Correct your spelling
happen
 in
both
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 developed and richer
countries
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. We need to join
hand
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hands
show examples
 together to resolve problems, so equity and equality among
countries
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 will be achieved. In my opinion, the
scond
Correct your spelling
second
 view should be prioritized to avoid unintended
consequence
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consequences
show examples
.
For instance
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, developed
countries
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 might envy
to
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apply
show examples
other
countries
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 if they must shoulder bigger participation to alleviate
the
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apply
show examples
climate
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change
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. Logically,
this
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 is because they believe that richer
countries
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 usually stand as
super power
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superpower
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region
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regions
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 among other states
,
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apply
show examples
 so
that
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
they can easily convince others through their actions
such
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 as having a campaign related to
negative
Correct article usage
the negative
show examples
 effects of global warming. In conclusion,
both
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 views are credible,
however
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, I believe that combating
climate
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change
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 should be responsible for all
countries
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 to gain
similar
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a similar
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 proportion
jobs
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of jobs
show examples
among
Change preposition
apply
show examples
all
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
.
Submitted by misstiasclassroom on

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Coherence and Cohesion
Be sure to organize your ideas more logically, and make sure each paragraph flows well into the next. Use transitional phrases to improve coherence between your ideas.
Coherence and Cohesion
Introduce your topic and your viewpoint more clearly in the introduction. Make sure your conclusion effectively summarizes your main points and reiterates your position.
Task Achievement
Aim to develop your main points further by providing more concrete examples and evidence. This will help strengthen your argument and give your essay more depth.
Task Achievement
Avoid repetition of phrases and ideas, and try to use a wider range of vocabulary and sentence structures.
Task Achievement
Clarify your own position in relation to the two views discussed. While you have given an opinion, it would benefit from being more directly related to the prompt and clearly stated.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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