In some schools and universities, girls tend to choose art subjects (e.g. literature) and boys tend to choose science subjects (e,g, physics). Why do you think this is so? should this tendency be changed?

It is argued that a vast majority of
girls
are highly passionate about studying art
subjects
rather than the other science ones namely physics, math and chemistry;
while
boys
follow the opposite
trend
. In my opinion, it is mostly
due to
traditional attitudes, encouraging
girls
to avoid having masculine jobs in the future and definitely
this
phenomenon must be stopped.
To begin
with,
girls
underestimate their abilities to make the
grade
Fix the agreement mistake
grades
show examples
to be good
students
in science
subjects
so they prefer to
study
art;
on the other hand
,
boys
think they have to
study
science exclusively.
Although
a huge part of people live in cutting-edge societies they stick to their traditional beliefs.
For example
, parents put their boy scholars under pressure to become
an
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
engineer
Fix the agreement mistake
engineers
show examples
or
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
doctor
Fix the agreement mistake
doctors
show examples
as they think being an artist or a fashion designer is too feminine for a boy.
Additionally
, some families advise their
girls
constantly to
study
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
subjects
which are considered suitable for
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
female
students
regardless of their
enthusiasms
Fix the agreement mistake
enthusiasm
show examples
and abilities. Ultimately, both
girls
and
boys
are misinformed about their potentials and interests and they just try to follow the traditional rules.
Consequently
, making
girls
and
boys
study
separate
subjects
, goes without saying to poses pressing problems. someday they may
would
Remove a modal verb
apply
show examples
not like the field they studied as they chose it based on the social
trend
not
Add the comma(s)
, not
show examples
their willingness. So,
obviously
Add a comma
obviously,
show examples
this
trend
must be changed. In more detail, if
students
try to decide what they
study
just
according to
their genders not only will not they feel fulfilment, but
also
they may feel a sense of being forced. More than
this
, a combination of both genders in all aspects makes a society develop in comparison to those who try to separate men and women. In conclusion, I restate my opinion that
although
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
traditional thoughts have created a
trend
to force
students
, indirectly, to decide their fields of
study
based on their gender,
this
must be prevented
due to
its detrimental effects.
Submitted by n97.mortazian on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Ensure a clear position throughout the essay. It is important to maintain a consistent opinion from the introduction to the conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
Work on paragraphing. Each main body paragraph should have a clear central topic.
task achievement
Support main points with specific examples. Instead of general statements, include concrete examples or data to illustrate your arguments.
task achievement
Avoid overgeneralizations. Be careful with statements that may seem absolute or overly broad.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words and phrases to better connect ideas and paragraphs. This helps readers follow your arguments with ease.
coherence and cohesion
Make sure each part of the essay (introduction, body, conclusion) is well-developed. The conclusion should not introduce new ideas.
coherence and cohesion
Check the essay for grammatical accuracy and range of vocabulary. The occasional error is normal, but they should not detract from the overall quality and clarity of the writing.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Gender stereotypes
  • Societal expectations
  • Academic choices
  • Role models
  • Parental guidance
  • Practical
  • Lucrative
  • Biological differences
  • Inherent interests
  • Controversial
  • Equal opportunities
  • Educational experience
  • Career opportunities
  • Gender-neutral education
  • Dismantle
  • Stereotypes
  • Underrepresented
  • Irrespective
What to do next:
Look at other essays: