IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

In some schools and universities, girls tend to choose art subjects (e.g. literature) and boys tend to choose science subjects (e,g, physics). Why do you think this is so? should this tendency be changed?

#schools #universities #girls #art #subjects #e #g #literature #boys #science #physics #tendency
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It is argued that a vast majority of
girls
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 are highly passionate about studying art
subjects
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 rather than the other science ones namely physics, math and chemistry;
while
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boys
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 follow the opposite
trend
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. In my opinion, it is mostly
due to
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 traditional attitudes, encouraging
girls
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 to avoid having masculine jobs in the future and definitely
this
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 phenomenon must be stopped.
To begin
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 with,
girls
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 underestimate their abilities to make the
grade
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grades
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 to be good
students
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 in science
subjects
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 so they prefer to
study
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 art;
on the other hand
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,
boys
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 think they have to
study
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 science exclusively.
Although
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 a huge part of people live in cutting-edge societies they stick to their traditional beliefs.
For example
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, parents put their boy scholars under pressure to become
an
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apply
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engineer
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engineers
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 or
a
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apply
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doctor
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doctors
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 as they think being an artist or a fashion designer is too feminine for a boy.
Additionally
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, some families advise their
girls
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 constantly to
study
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in
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apply
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subjects
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 which are considered suitable for
the
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apply
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female
students
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 regardless of their
enthusiasms
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enthusiasm
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 and abilities. Ultimately, both
girls
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 and
boys
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 are misinformed about their potentials and interests and they just try to follow the traditional rules.
Consequently
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, making
girls
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 and
boys
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study
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 separate
subjects
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, goes without saying to poses pressing problems. someday they may
would
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apply
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not like the field they studied as they chose it based on the social
trend
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not
Add the comma(s)
, not
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 their willingness. So,
obviously
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obviously,
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this
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trend
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 must be changed. In more detail, if
students
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 try to decide what they
study
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 just
according to
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 their genders not only will not they feel fulfilment, but
also
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 they may feel a sense of being forced. More than
this
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, a combination of both genders in all aspects makes a society develop in comparison to those who try to separate men and women. In conclusion, I restate my opinion that
although
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the
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apply
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traditional thoughts have created a
trend
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 to force
students
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, indirectly, to decide their fields of
study
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 based on their gender,
this
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 must be prevented
due to
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 its detrimental effects.
Submitted by n97.mortazian on

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task achievement
Ensure a clear position throughout the essay. It is important to maintain a consistent opinion from the introduction to the conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
Work on paragraphing. Each main body paragraph should have a clear central topic.
task achievement
Support main points with specific examples. Instead of general statements, include concrete examples or data to illustrate your arguments.
task achievement
Avoid overgeneralizations. Be careful with statements that may seem absolute or overly broad.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words and phrases to better connect ideas and paragraphs. This helps readers follow your arguments with ease.
coherence and cohesion
Make sure each part of the essay (introduction, body, conclusion) is well-developed. The conclusion should not introduce new ideas.
coherence and cohesion
Check the essay for grammatical accuracy and range of vocabulary. The occasional error is normal, but they should not detract from the overall quality and clarity of the writing.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Gender stereotypes
  • Societal expectations
  • Academic choices
  • Role models
  • Parental guidance
  • Practical
  • Lucrative
  • Biological differences
  • Inherent interests
  • Controversial
  • Equal opportunities
  • Educational experience
  • Career opportunities
  • Gender-neutral education
  • Dismantle
  • Stereotypes
  • Underrepresented
  • Irrespective
What to do next:
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