IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

The chart below shows the proportion of staff employed by age in the public sector in the UK in 2015 and 2020. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.

The chart below shows the proportion of staff employed by age in the public sector in the UK in 2015 and 2020. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.
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The two pie charts illustrate the percentages of the UK public sector
staffs
Fix the agreement mistake
staff
show examples
 occupied by
age
Use synonyms
 in 2015 and 2020. At a glance, the pie charts were divided into five categories. It is
interested
Wrong verb form
interesting
show examples
 to note that
while
Linking Words
 the ratio of workers at the
age
Use synonyms
between
Change preposition
of
show examples
 21-30 dominated in both years, that of those who
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Use synonyms
age
Replace the word
aged
show examples
 31-40 drastically
decrease
Wrong verb form
decreased
show examples
. Looking at
those
Change the determiner
that age
those ages
show examples
age
Use synonyms
 which encountered the upward trend, more closely, the proportion of employees who in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
Use synonyms
age
Replace the word
aged
show examples
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
21-30 slightly increased from around 30% to 33% which was resemblance to the portion of
staffs
Fix the agreement mistake
staff
show examples
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
age
Use synonyms
 of 41-50 which dramatically rose around 0.5 times. Unlike the other
Use synonyms
age
Fix the agreement mistake
ages
show examples
 that experienced a downward trend,
while
Linking Words
 the portion of workers
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Use synonyms
age
Fix the agreement mistake
ages
show examples
 of over 50 and 31-40 considerably
dip
Wrong verb form
dipped
show examples
 from 23% to 16% and 21% to 11%, respectively, that of employees who were under 21 minimally solely 2%.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Linking words: Add more linking words.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words age with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "charts" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "trend" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 2 times.
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