IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

You should spend about 20 minutes on this task. The chart below shows the proportion of staff employed by age in the public sector in the UK in 2015 and 2020. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant. Write at least 150 words.

You should spend about 20 minutes on this task. The chart below shows the proportion of staff employed by age in the public sector in the UK in 2015 and 2020. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant. Write at least 150 words.
#minutes #proportion #staff #age #sector #uk #summarise #information #features #comparisons
The pie charts display the percentages of government
servents
Correct your spelling
servants
show examples
were
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
recruited
according to
 their
age
 by
Correct article usage
the
show examples
governmnet
Correct your spelling
government
 sector in the UK in 2015 and 2020.
Overall
, we can clearly see from the pie charts that the percentages of those employed in their 20s and 40s increased,
Correct word choice
and employments
show examples
employments
Fix the agreement mistake
employment
show examples
 for other
age
 groups, particularly
the
Correct your spelling
those
show examples
 over
the
Change the word
their
show examples
 50s, fell. Turning first to the younger
age
 groups,
employments
Fix the agreement mistake
employment
show examples
 for
under
Correct pronoun usage
those under
show examples
 21 dropped to 12% after five years which was at 14% in 2015. It can be
obsereved
Correct your spelling
observed
 that the
age
 of 21-30 workers increased significantly to 33% in 2020 by 10%.
Furthermore
, the proportion of
employess
Correct your spelling
employees
employers
 over the
age
 of 40 rose
from19
Correct your spelling
from 19
% in 2015 to 28% in 2020. With regards to
age
Add an article
the age
show examples
 category of 31-40, workers
belongs
Wrong verb form
belonging
show examples
 to
this
 section saw a considerable drop to 11% after five years by 10%.
However
, the
employmnets
Correct your spelling
employment
employments
 for
age
 above 50s
also
 declined which accounted for 16% in 2020 from 23% in 2015.
Submitted by Praslah on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Vocabulary: Replace the words age with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "charts" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "percentages" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 2 times.
▼
What to do next:
Look at other essays: