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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The charts below show what UK graduate and postgraduate students who did not go into full-time work did after leaving college in 2008. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The charts below show what UK graduate and postgraduate students who did not go into full-time work did after leaving college in 2008. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
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The graphs below demonstrate what
graduate
Use synonyms
 and postgraduate
students
Use synonyms
 from
United
Correct article usage
the United
show examples
 Kingdom who were not occupied in full-time
job
Fix the agreement mistake
jobs
show examples
 did after leaving college in 2008.
Overall
Linking Words
, the biggest number of
graduate
Use synonyms
students
Use synonyms
 chose
further
Linking Words
 education,
while
Linking Words
 voluntary
work
Use synonyms
 was the most unpopular choice among
this
Linking Words
 group. The second chart shows the same situation among postgraduates, where the main part of people decided to prolong their
further
Linking Words
 study,
whereas
Linking Words
 the small group of
survey's
Change noun form
survey
show examples
 participants took voluntary
work
Use synonyms
. It's clear from the data, that
further
Linking Words
 study was the most popular destination for both
graduate
Use synonyms
students
Use synonyms
 (29665 people) and
post
Correct your spelling
postgraduate
show examples
graduate
Use synonyms
students
Use synonyms
(2725 people). The second place among
two
Correct article usage
the two
show examples
 groups of
students
Use synonyms
 took part-time
work
Use synonyms
,
this
Linking Words
 destination chose 17735
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
graduates and 2535
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
postgraduates.
Less
Change the quantifier
Fewer
show examples
students
Use synonyms
 faced
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
unemployment, 16235
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
graduate
Use synonyms
students
Use synonyms
 and 1625
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
postgraduate
students
Use synonyms
. The smallest number of participants decided to take voluntary
work
Use synonyms
 as their destination, 3500
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
graduate
Use synonyms
students
Use synonyms
 and 345
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
postgraduates.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "further".
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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Introduction: Change the first sentence in the introduction.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words graduate, students, work with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Only 5 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 2 times.
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