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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The graphs below show that post-school qualifications held by Canadians in the age groups 25 to 35 and 45 to 55.

The graphs below show that post-school qualifications held by Canadians in the age groups 25 to 35 and 45 to 55.
The pie charts illustrate degree holders who related to two
age
Use synonyms
 categories
whom
Change the pronoun
who
show examples
 studied different fields in schools in Canada.
Overall
Linking Words
, most of the Canadians who are attributed to
age
Use synonyms
 25-35, studied social
science
Use synonyms
 and
arts
Use synonyms
 at their schools
while
Linking Words
 many natives who related to the
age
Use synonyms
 category of 45 - 55 , learned social
science
Use synonyms
 and
arts
Use synonyms
. With regards to the
age
Use synonyms
 of 25 -35 , natives who learned social
science
Use synonyms
 and
arts
Use synonyms
 at 20%, followed by administration
19
Change preposition
at 19
show examples
%,
science
Use synonyms
 , maths computers
18
Change preposition
at 18
show examples
% ,
education
Correct word choice
and education
show examples
 and engineering
15
Change preposition
at 15
show examples
% and 9% respectively.
Moreover
Linking Words
,
people
Use synonyms
 who studied humanities and nursing
4
Add a missing verb
were 4
show examples
% and 7% respectively. MBA holders are 6% and 2%
holds
Correct subject-verb agreement
hold
show examples
 other
qulaification
Correct your spelling
qualification
qualifications
 which is not surveyed.
On the other hand
Linking Words
,
Use synonyms
people
Change preposition
for people
show examples
 who
belongs
Change the verb form
belong
show examples
 to the
age
Use synonyms
 of 45-55 , 21% of
people
Use synonyms
 mastered social
science
Use synonyms
 and
arts
Use synonyms
whereas
Linking Words
 19% and 15% of
people
Use synonyms
 came from engineering and administration fields.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, it can be noticeable that a fourth
related
Add a missing verb
is related
show examples
 to both education and nursing fields.
People
Use synonyms
 who followed
scienced
Correct your spelling
science
show examples
, maths,
computers
Correct word choice
and computers
show examples
 at
10%.followed
Correct your spelling
10 %.followed
 by humanities
5
Change preposition
at 5
show examples
%. When it comes to MBA holders and other
qulaifications
Correct your spelling
qualifications
, it seemed 3% each.

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Basic structure: Change the third paragraph.
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Basic structure: Change the fourth paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words age, science, arts, people with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: Only 2 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fourth paragraph.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • post-secondary education
  • vocational training
  • bachelor's degree
  • master's degree
  • doctorate
  • diploma
  • certificate
  • professional designation
  • full-time education
  • part-time study
  • apprenticeship
  • continuing education
  • adult learning
  • educational attainment
  • workforce qualifications
  • demographic breakdown
  • socio-economic factors
  • statistical analysis
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