IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

You recently bought a piece of equipement for your kitchen but it did not work. You phoned the shop but no action was taken Write a letter to the shop manager. In your letter Describe the problem with the equipment explain what happened when you phoned the shop say what you would like the manager to do

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Dear Sir or Madam, I am writing
this
Linking Words
 letter to express my disappointment regarding a piece of
equipement
Correct your spelling
equipment
 that I recently bought but, it does not work and about the bad customer service experience. On 5th July 2023, I bought
a
Change the article
an
show examples
LG's
Change noun form
LG
show examples
 toaster and when I
pluged
Correct your spelling
plugged
in
Correct pronoun usage
it in
show examples
, it
does
Wrong verb form
did
show examples
 not turn on. To solve
this
Linking Words
 issue, I called
at
Change preposition
apply
show examples
customer service
serveral
Correct your spelling
several
 times but nobody picked
the
Change preposition
up the
show examples
 phone
and
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
for once
a
Change the article
an
show examples
 employee picked
and
Change preposition
up and
show examples
he
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
refused to exchange/return it. The only reason he gave was,
our
Correct word choice
that our
show examples
 store does not exchange or return unless it is in-store damage.
Moreover
Linking Words
, before the purchase was made I asked your
employee's
Change noun form
employees
show examples
 to check the toaster once but they neglected it. I would like you to replace my order or return my money on the same mode of payment.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, the
employee's
Change noun form
employees
show examples
 should reply in a positive and humble way. I hope you will address my concern as soon as possible. Your's
faithfully
Replace the adverb
faithful
show examples
, Tom

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Greeting and Closing
Consider adding a more specific greeting if the shop manager's name is known, as it helps personalize your letter and may garner a quicker response.
Logical Structure
Your letter would benefit from a clearer logical structure. Try organizing it into distinct paragraphs: introduction, problem description, issue with customer service, and your expectations for resolution. This will make your argument more coherent.
Single Idea per Paragraph
To improve coherence, each paragraph should focus on a single idea. Start with an introductory sentence for each paragraph, followed by supporting sentences, and use transition words to connect ideas smoothly.
Complete Response
You've managed to convey your message and adhere to the task's requirements well. To elevate your score, ensure that your letter covers all aspects of the prompt comprehensively. Adding more details about the equipment and your experience might enrich the content and demonstrate a fuller understanding of the task.
Suitable Writing Tone
The tone of your letter is mostly appropriate, striking a balance between formality and expressing dissatisfaction. To enhance it, consider using more varied sentence structures and polite requests or suggestions for what you'd like the manager to do.
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