IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

you recently bought an item of clothing from a shop. you discovered that it had a fault and returned it to the shop for replacement or refund. however, the assistant told you that this was against the store policy. write a letter to the store manager explain the problems you have had ask for a refund or exchange on the item

#item #shop #fault #replacement #refund #assistant #was #store #policy #manager #exchange
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Dear Sir or Madam, I am writing
this
Linking Words
 letter to express my frustration regarding the Jeans I bought
last
Linking Words
 week and about your
store
Use synonyms
 policy. Recently I bought a Denim Jean from your
store
Use synonyms
 and when I tried it at home, I got to know about the hole it has under the knee of
right
Add an article
the right
show examples
 leg.
Due to
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
 issue, I came to your
store
Use synonyms
 to return it but,
unfortunately
Add a comma
unfortunately,
show examples
 I got to know about the no return/exchange
store
Use synonyms
 policy from one of your
assistant
Fix the agreement mistake
assistants
show examples
. I am really disappointed with the purchase and would like to return or exchange it. Despite knowing your policy, I want to get
refund
Add an article
a refund
show examples
 on
this
Linking Words
 item as I am a regular and
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
loyal customer. I hope you will consider
this
Linking Words
 problem as soon as possible.
Your's
Correct the word
Yours's
show examples
 faithful Tom
Submitted by harneet2001kaur on

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task response
To enhance the task response, try to provide more detail about the purchase, such as the date of purchase and the exact nature of the fault. Additionally, offering a specific request, whether it be a refund or exchange, can clarify your intention to the reader.
coherence and cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, consider linking ideas and paragraphs more smoothly. Use cohesive devices like 'Moreover', 'Furthermore', or 'In addition' to connect sentences. A brief introduction to your situation before jumping into the issue can ensure a logical flow of ideas.
tone
In terms of tone, the letter is mostly appropriate for the context but could be improved by being more formal. Avoid abbreviations ('I got to know') and use full forms ('I became aware'). Additionally, ensure consistency in the sign-off; instead of 'Your's faithful', 'Yours faithfully' is the correct form.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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