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Writing Samples
Band 3.5

Employers should focus on personal qualities instead of qualifications and experience when choosing someone for a job. To what extent do you agree?

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When selecting
employees
Use synonyms
 for their companies,
employers
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 should prioritize
individuals
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 with strong personal qualities over those solely possessing specific degrees and experiences.
While
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 emphasizing positive personalities can foster horizontal
development
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 within companies, focusing on
qualifications
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 and experiences
also
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 holds merits for vertical
development
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. I firmly believe that the possession of commendable personal qualities among
employees
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 can greatly contribute to horizontal
development
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 in business scenarios.
Employers
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 ought to seek
individuals
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 with resilience, as
this
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 trait enables them to navigate challenges effectively, thereby bolstering the company's ability to weather adversities.
Moreover
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, a workforce comprising
individuals
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 with positive attributes
such
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 as a growth mindset fosters a culture of collaboration, leading to heightened productivity and enhanced teamwork.
Nevertheless
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, from my perspective, it is equally crucial for
employers
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 to consider candidates with extensive
qualifications
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 and experiences to facilitate vertical
development
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 in their businesses.
For instance
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, in the food and beverage industry,
individuals
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 with culinary
qualifications
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 often exhibit adaptability and proficiency in diverse settings, owing to their comprehensive training.
Additionally
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, the presence of experienced
employees
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 facilitates knowledge-sharing within the workplace, thereby enabling skill
development
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 among peers.
Consequently
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,
employers
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 can optimize resources and minimize
expenditure
Fix the agreement mistake
expenditures
show examples
 associated with skill enhancement initiatives. In conclusion, I contend that it is imperative for
employers
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 to weigh both personal qualities and
qualifications
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 when selecting
employees
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, as
this
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 dual approach fosters comprehensive business
development
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, encompassing both horizontal and vertical facets.

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coherence cohesion
Your essay provides a structured approach to the topic, with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. However, the logical flow between ideas and paragraphs can be improved. Use a variety of linking phrases to better connect your ideas.
task achievement
Providing specific examples will strengthen your argument. While your essay mentions general benefits of personal qualities and qualifications in the workplace, incorporating real-world examples or case studies can make your points more compelling and vivid.
coherence cohesion
Your conclusion effectively summarizes your stance, but to enhance it, consider restating your main ideas more distinctly and possibly predicting future implications or suggesting a call to action.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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