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Band 4.5

Big salary is much more important than job satisfaction. Do you agree or disagree?

#salary #job #satisfaction
In recent years, earning has become
priority
Add an article
a priority
the priority
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 over the kind of work people are involved
.
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in.
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 I strongly disagree
this
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with this
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 statement because in
this
case
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case,
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 everyone is working towards wages but not for improvement.
To begin
 with, we all wanted to get into a job which pays us a lot in the market but we are not looking for one which helps in personal growth.
For instance
, students nowadays
wants
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want
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 to get into engineering colleges where they don’t have any idea about what they are going to learn.
Hence
 they do not gain knowledge out of interest
instead
this
 system
make
Change the verb form
makes
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 them feel
the
Correct your spelling
that
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 money is more crucial than knowledge.
Secondly
, students and young generals of the country choose safe courses and
work places
Correct your spelling
workplaces
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 which
gives
Change the verb form
give
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 them security.
This
 results in restricting themselves explore a
lot
Add the preposition
lot of
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 other opportunities in the world which they may like working with self-satisfaction. To illustrate
they
Correct pronoun usage
there
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 are more options in design
feild
Correct your spelling
fields
 other
fashion
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than fashion
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 and interior design
where
Correct word choice
that
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 students fail to research.
Thus
 confining themselves
with
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to
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overall
decision
Fix the agreement mistake
decisions
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 created by
the
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apply
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society.
In
addition
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addition,
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 money has evidently registered in the growing minds as an important factor leading them to
involve
Wrong verb form
be involved
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 in some illegal practices and
also
 with behaviours like selfishness and jealousy. In conclusion,
majority
Correct article usage
the majority
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 of the nation
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
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 working for wages rather than
progress
Add an article
the progress
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 of the company or individual. If
this
 changes, there will be a great profit which includes making money
as well as
 fulfilment.
Thus
 I suggest parents
to
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apply
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spread healthier thoughts about workspace among children.
Submitted by insighttribez on

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Task Response
To improve in Task Response, make sure to address the question directly and develop your arguments comprehensively. Provide clear and relevant examples to support your opinion.
Coherence and Cohesion
To enhance Coherence and Cohesion, ensure your essay has a clear logical structure. Use clear and cohesive linking terms to connect ideas within and between paragraphs. Also, ensure your introduction and conclusion are clear and directly related to the essay topic.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • remuneration
  • financial security
  • motivation
  • luxuries
  • material possessions
  • fulfillment
  • work-life balance
  • stress levels
  • mental well-being
  • job security
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