IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Big salary is much more important than job satisfaction. Do you agree or disagree?

#salary #job #satisfaction
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In recent years, earning has become
priority
Add an article
a priority
the priority
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 over the kind of work people are involved
.
Change preposition
in.
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 I strongly disagree
Linking Words
this
Change preposition
with this
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 statement because in
this
Linking Words
case
Add a comma
case,
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 everyone is working towards wages but not for improvement.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, we all wanted to get into a job which pays us a lot in the market but we are not looking for one which helps in personal growth.
For instance
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, students nowadays
wants
Change the verb form
want
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 to get into engineering colleges where they don’t have any idea about what they are going to learn.
Hence
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 they do not gain knowledge out of interest
instead
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this
Linking Words
 system
make
Change the verb form
makes
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 them feel
the
Correct your spelling
that
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 money is more crucial than knowledge.
Secondly
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, students and young generals of the country choose safe courses and
work places
Correct your spelling
workplaces
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 which
gives
Change the verb form
give
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 them security.
This
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 results in restricting themselves explore a
lot
Add the preposition
lot of
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 other opportunities in the world which they may like working with self-satisfaction. To illustrate
they
Correct pronoun usage
there
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 are more options in design
feild
Correct your spelling
fields
 other
fashion
Change preposition
than fashion
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 and interior design
where
Correct word choice
that
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 students fail to research.
Thus
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 confining themselves
with
Change preposition
to
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overall
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decision
Fix the agreement mistake
decisions
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 created by
the
Correct article usage
apply
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society.
In
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addition
Add a comma
addition,
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 money has evidently registered in the growing minds as an important factor leading them to
involve
Wrong verb form
be involved
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 in some illegal practices and
also
Linking Words
 with behaviours like selfishness and jealousy. In conclusion,
majority
Correct article usage
the majority
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 of the nation
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
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 working for wages rather than
progress
Add an article
the progress
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 of the company or individual. If
this
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 changes, there will be a great profit which includes making money
as well as
Linking Words
 fulfilment.
Thus
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 I suggest parents
to
Remove the particle
apply
show examples
spread healthier thoughts about workspace among children.
Submitted by insighttribez on

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Task Response
To improve in Task Response, make sure to address the question directly and develop your arguments comprehensively. Provide clear and relevant examples to support your opinion.
Coherence and Cohesion
To enhance Coherence and Cohesion, ensure your essay has a clear logical structure. Use clear and cohesive linking terms to connect ideas within and between paragraphs. Also, ensure your introduction and conclusion are clear and directly related to the essay topic.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • remuneration
  • financial security
  • motivation
  • luxuries
  • material possessions
  • fulfillment
  • work-life balance
  • stress levels
  • mental well-being
  • job security
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