IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The line graph shows the birth rate, population growth rate and death rate from 1940 until 2020 in Scotland. The three different variables are measured in percentages.

The line graph shows the birth rate, population growth rate and death rate from 1940 until 2020 in Scotland. The three different variables are measured in percentages.
#line #birth #rate #population #growth #death #scotland #three #variables #percentages
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
This
Linking Words
 graph shows how the
Population
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Birth
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rate
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 and
death
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rate
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 have changed between the
years
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 1940 and 2020 in Scotland. We can see that
Use synonyms
birth
Correct article usage
the birth
show examples
rate
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 has decreased exponentially and dropped almost 2% in 80
years
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.
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Death
Correct article usage
The death
show examples
rate
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 lowered
1
Change preposition
by 1
show examples
% in 20
years
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,
stabalized
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stabilized
stabilised
 for 50
years
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, and in 2020 Grew almost 5% it
also
Linking Words
 shows a
stopagge
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stoppage
storage
 in
Population
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 growth
betwee
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between
 the
years
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 2000 and 2010. From
this
Linking Words
information
Add a comma
information,
show examples
 we can tell that these three variables are
conected
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connected
,
Due to
Linking Words
 the fact, that if the
Birth
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Rate
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 decreases,
population
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 growth will
also
Linking Words
 lower, and
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death
Add an article
the death
show examples
rate
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 will increase because the elderly will start to pass away and with no
increse
Correct your spelling
increase
 in
birth
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rate
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,
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death
Add an article
the death
show examples
rate
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 will increase. After,
analizing
Correct your spelling
analysing
 the spike in 1955, we can determine that
Birth
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 date and
population
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rate
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 depend
from
Change preposition
on
show examples
 each other, and have almost
and
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
identical
variable
Fix the agreement mistake
variables
show examples
 throughout the
years
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 1940 and 2020. The Stabilization of the
death
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rate
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 seems weird because both other variables lowered it was probably the variable adjusting to the changes in the
population
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.
Submitted by patriciareyesfiguero on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "also".
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Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 69%.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words population, birth, rate, death, years with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "shows" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "shows" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "changed" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "decreased" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "growth" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increase" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "almost" was used 3 times.
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