IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4

The charts below show what UK graduate and postgraduate students who did not go into full-time work did after leaving college in 2008. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant. You should write at least 150 words.

The charts below show what UK graduate and postgraduate students who did not go into full-time work did after leaving college in 2008. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant. You should write at least 150 words.
#show #uk #graduate #students #work #college #summarise #information #features #comparisons
The two pictures depict
activities
Correct article usage
the activities
show examples
 of
graduate
 and postgraduate students who did not have
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
full-time
work
did
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
after leaving college in 2008. There are four
kind
Change to a plural noun
kinds
show examples
 of
works
Fix the agreement mistake
work
show examples
, which is part-time
work
, voluntary
work
,
furthers
Replace the word
further
show examples
 study and unemployment. When looking
into
Change preposition
at
show examples
 these pictures, you can easily notice that the highest bar in both pictures
belong
Change the verb form
belongs
show examples
 to students who chose
furthers
Replace the word
further
show examples
 study. And the lowest
number
 is students
chose
Correct pronoun usage
who chose
show examples
 to do voluntary
work
. First of all, both
graduate
 and postgraduate went to
furthers
Replace the word
further
show examples
 study
most
Correct quantifier usage
apply
show examples
, with
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
number
Fix the agreement mistake
numbers
show examples
 of 29,665 and 2,725, which is
highest
Correct article usage
the highest
show examples
in
Change preposition
of
show examples
four
Correct article usage
the four
show examples
 options.
Secondly
, we have the second largest bar, the part-time
work
. The numbers of
this
 choice are 17,735 and 2,535.
Next,
unemployment is the third biggest factor, with the
number
 of 16,235 and 1,625.
And
Correct word choice
Last
show examples
last
 but not least,
voluntary
Correct article usage
the voluntary
show examples
work
 factor is the smallest
number
 of
graduate
Fix the agreement mistake
graduates
show examples
 and post
graduate
Fix the agreement mistake
graduates
show examples
, with 3,500 and 345 people.
Submitted by k2englishcenter on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
▼
Introduction: The introduction is missing.
▼
Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
▼
Basic structure: Change the second paragraph.
▼
Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words graduate, work, number with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: Only 2 basic words for charts were used.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 4 times.
▼
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
▼
What to do next:
Look at other essays: