IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

The chart below shows percentages of males and females working for different duration (hours) per week in Australia in 2007. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The chart below shows percentages of males and females working for different duration (hours) per week in Australia in 2007. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
#percentages #males #females #duration #hours #week #australia #summarise #information #features #comparisons
The bar diagram displays the proportions of
men
 and
women
 working for various
duration
Fix the agreement mistake
durations
show examples
 in Australia in the year
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
2007. The units are measured in
hours
 per
week
. In the working period of 0-5
hours
 per
week
, the ratio of male
workers
 about 2% is lower than the ratio of female
workers
 about 5%. After that, a similar situation could be
both
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
found in the proportion of
men
workers
 and
women
workers
 of 6-10
hours
 per
week
 and 11-15
hours
 per
week
,
that is
 to
say
Add a comma
say,
show examples
 the
percentage
 of
men
workers
 is slightly less than
women
workers
. Notably, the percentages of
males
 and females working for 16-20
hours
 per
week
 are equal, which
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
 just under 10%.
Then
 in the 21-35
duration
hours
 per
week
 interval, the proportion of
men
workers
 and
women
workers
 both rises a little to above 10%, but the
percentage
 of
men
 is still less than
women
. Noticeably, it hits a peak within the
duration
hours
 of 35-40
hours
 per
week
, which means that the
rate
 of male
workers
 is about 35% and the
rate
 of female
workers
 is just above 30%. When it comes to the
duration
 period of 41-45
hours
 per
week
, the proportions of
males
 and females drop to about 17% and 15% respectively, with a similar tendency of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
46-50
hours
 per
week
.
Then
, in the working
duration
 of 50
and
Correct word choice
or
show examples
 more
hours
, the
rate
 of
males
 inclines to about 5% and the
rate
 of
males
 descends to just around 3%. To summarise, it draws
a
Change the article
an
show examples
 ascending trajectory in the
duration
hours
 of 0-40
hours
 that
males
 and females working for, which is
followd
Correct your spelling
followed
 by a dropping trend in the
duration
hours
 of 41-50+
hours
. It is
also
 worth
attentions
Correct your spelling
attention
show examples
 that the
percentage
 of male
workers
 working surpass the
percentage
 of female
workers
 working from 35-40
duration
hours
.
Submitted by 1210011420 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Vocabulary: Replace the words men, women, duration, hours, week, workers, percentage, males, rate with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 5 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "proportions" was used 4 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "ratio" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 5 times.
▼
What to do next:
Look at other essays: