IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4

You have a problem with a recently hired employee in your workplace. Write a letter to the HR manager. In your letter °Describe the problem the new employee has caused ° Explain how other employees about the new employee's conduct ° Say how you expect the HR manager to address the situation.

#employee #workplace #hr #manager #°describe #employees #conduct #address #situation
Dear Sir or Madam I am writing in order to complain about new my partner and your new employee. The first problem was my hard work
of
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on
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project
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the project
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. Do you remember our very important meeting on Monday
.
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?
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 I was ready for
this
 meeting and
also
 my project work. But half an hour before our meeting your new employee John poured his coffee on my paperwork. He was trying to tide up my papers with
duster
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a duster
the duster
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. But it does not work.
Result
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The result
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 is even worse than that.
In addition
 to
this
 other employees quarrel with his behaviour. Because
of
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apply
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he asks lots of nonsense and awful
word
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words
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. He had time to
do scolded
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scold
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other
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others
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. I would like to request
reproof
Correct article usage
a reproof
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to
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from
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 him. I look forward to your reply and a resolution to my problem. Yours sincerely, Zuhra
Submitted by omondavlat91 on

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Structure
Ensure the overall structure of your letter flows logically from the introduction to conclusion, clearly segmenting each idea into its own paragraph. This will enhance the coherence and cohesion of your writing.
Introduction
Introduce your letter with a clearer statement of purpose. Instead of a vague introduction, specify the reason for writing right away. For example: 'I am writing to address a concern regarding a newly hired colleague whose behavior has negatively impacted the workplace.'
Paragraphing
Make sure each paragraph focuses on a single idea or aspect of the issue. In the first paragraph, discuss the incident; in the second, elaborate on the reaction of other employees; and in the final section, clearly state your expectations for resolution.
Tone and Language
Use a more formal tone and precise language to convey your message effectively. Avoid colloquial phrases and ensure correctness in grammar and vocabulary. Phrases like 'nonsense and awful word' could be replaced with 'inappropriate and unprofessional language'.
Conclusion
Conclude your letter with a courteous yet clear expectation of the actions you wish the HR manager to take. For example, 'I trust that the HR department will take appropriate actions to address these concerns and ensure a harmonious workplace atmosphere.'

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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