In many countries today, if people want to find work, they have to move away from their friends and their families. Do you think the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages?
It is argued that going abroad is often seen as a method to solve financial problems, which means
people
tend to choose to seek out job vacancies overseas to get higher income
. Fix the agreement mistake
incomes
However
, others think that it could bring
Verb problem
have
much
Correct quantifier usage
many
of
negative impacts Change preposition
apply
to
their life. In Change preposition
on
this
essay, I believe that its drawbacks are more significant than its benefits.
To begin
with, there are certain benefits when relocating to find new job prospects. Firstly
, the standard of living in some developed countries is higher than under-developing
countries, so Change preposition
in under-developing
people
would easier than
to find an outstanding occupation. Correct word choice
apply
For example
, many graduated university students select Japan as a career launchpad,
because the rate of currency is remarkably higher than other nations. Remove the comma
apply
Moreover
, living in different countries also
helps increase personal skills that help easy
to research another job when they want to go back.
Correct pronoun usage
it easy
On the other hand
, I firmly believe that there are also
some drawbacks that people
have to accept when they go abroad to make money. Details, the children will lose care from their relatives, which means their mental health could be affected. For instance
, their emotions can be damaged whenever they see other children who own care from parents
. Correct pronoun usage
their parents
In addition
, their wife also
have
higher responsibility when Change the verb form
has
care
Change the verb form
caring
Change preposition
of all
all
household work, it is causes stress and overthinking.
In conclusion, going overseas can have many advantages Change preposition
of all
about
finance for Change preposition
for
people
, but it also
bring
huge disadvantages. From my perspective, I strongly think these drawbacks outweigh the benefits.Change the verb form
brings
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task achievement
Enhance the clarity of your introduction by stating your opinion more directly and outlining the key points you will discuss.
task achievement
Develop your main points with more detailed examples. Your argument would benefit from specific, real-life situations that illustrate your points.
coherence and cohesion
Work on logical structuring of paragraphs, ensuring each paragraph focuses on a single main idea, and use clear topic sentences to lead into each paragraph.
coherence and cohesion
Increase the use of linking words to improve the flow between sentences and paragraphs, helping the reader follow your argument more easily.
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