IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

One of your friends wants to apply for a job at a summer school camp as a sports trainer. Write a letter to the camp manager to recommend your friend. In your letter: °say how well you know your friend °describe the qualifications and experience that your friend has °explain why your friend would be suitable for this job.

#friends #job #summer #school #camp #sports #trainer #manager #friend #°say #°describe #qualifications #°explain
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Dear Sir or Madam I am writing to you about my friend and he really needs a job at a summer school camp as a
sport
Change the noun form
sports
show examples
 trainer.
Firstly
, I
know
Wrong verb form
have known
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 him since I was a child. We
grown
Add the auxiliary verb
grew
have grown
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 up together. Because we are relative
furthermore
 neighbour. He lives
front
Change preposition
in front
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 of me. We are best friends and I know him very well more than myself.
That
is
Verb problem
apply
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mean
Replace the word
means
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 we
friend
Wrong verb form
were friends
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 a long time ago. He has lots of qualifications. He studied
sport
Change the noun form
sports
show examples
 clubs and university. And he had worked
Mashal's
Change preposition
at Mashal's
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 club for 2 years. I think he has enough experience. I feel that he is the most suitable candidate for
this
 job owing
of
Change preposition
to
show examples
 his ambition and drive to make a change. And
also
 he
had
Wrong verb form
has
show examples
 worked
school
Change preposition
in school
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 for 3 years
furthermore
 he
know
Change the verb form
knows
show examples
 children's psychological capability.
Than
Replace the word
Then
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 he has
capable
Correct article usage
a capable
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 sensation who has
interest
Correct article usage
an interest
show examples
to
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the sport and ability. I look forward
your
Change preposition
to your
show examples
 response. Yours faithfully Zuhra
Submitted by omondavlat91 on

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greeting and closing
Begin by refining the introduction to more directly address the camp manager and explicitly state the purpose of the letter.
logical structure
Improve the logical structure by organizing information about your friend’s qualifications and experience in a more systematic manner. Consider using separate paragraphs for qualifications, experience, and suitability for the job.
single idea per paragraph
For a higher coherence, ensure each paragraph discusses a single main idea. Introduce your friend's qualifications in one paragraph, their experience in another, and their suitability for the role in a third to maintain focus.
complete response
Increase the task achievement score by providing specific examples of your friend’s past achievements, explaining why these make them a good fit for the job. Avoid general statements and strive for detailed endorsements.
suitable writing tone
Adopt a more formal writing tone suitable for a recommendation letter. Avoid casual language and phrases such as "he really needs a job" and use more professional language to convey your recommendation.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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