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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The line graph shows the number of books that were borrowed in four different months in 2014 from four village libraries, and the pie chart shows the percentage of books, by type, that were borrowed over this time. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.

The line graph shows the number of books that were borrowed in four different months in 2014 from four village libraries, and the pie chart shows the percentage of books, by type, that were borrowed over this time. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.
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The given line graph illustrates how many
books
Use synonyms
lent
Add a missing verb
were lent
show examples
 in four months from
June
Use synonyms
 to
September
Use synonyms
 and different four village libraries over the period of 2014.
Overall
Linking Words
, it can be seen that Sutton Wood village
library
Use synonyms
 had fluctuation
while
Linking Words
 Ryeslip
library
Use synonyms
 decreased from given first
month
Use synonyms
 to till end
month
Use synonyms
. In detail, in Sutton wood,
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
June
Use synonyms
month
Use synonyms
 there was lent approximately 250
books
Use synonyms
than
Correct your spelling
then
show examples
 it grew slightly and reached around 275
books
Use synonyms
, surprisingly, there was a drastic drop
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 August, at loo
books
Use synonyms
,
thereafter
Linking Words
,
library
Use synonyms
 borrowed
books
Use synonyms
were
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
increased significantly, which was exactly 300
books
Use synonyms
 on
September
Use synonyms
.
In contrast
Linking Words
, Ryeslip Village
library
Use synonyms
was
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
stood at 300
books
Use synonyms
in
Change the preposition
at
show examples
 the beginning of the
month
Use synonyms
along with
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
 was the highest number of borrowed
books
Use synonyms
 than any other
villages
Fix the agreement mistake
village
show examples
, from
June
Use synonyms
 to
September
Use synonyms
, there was a drastic decrease and it was reached
on
Change preposition
at
show examples
 the end of the
month
Use synonyms
, at almost 175
books
Use synonyms
.
On the Contrary
Linking Words
, West Eaton and Chruch Mount libraries had the
Same
Fix capitalization
same
show examples
 number of lent
books
Use synonyms
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
June
Use synonyms
, at 50
books
Use synonyms
.
Similarly
Linking Words
, these both had grown slightly between July to
September
Use synonyms
,
as well as
Linking Words
, these both
was
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
touched the same line
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
September
Use synonyms
, which accounts for 150
books
Use synonyms
.

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Vocabulary: Replace the words books, june, september, library, month with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "give" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "decreased" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "reached" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "slightly" was used 2 times.
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