IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Young people are often the first to suffer when job opportunities are scarce. In which ways does age affect employment opportunities ? how might employers deal with the issue fairly ? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience

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It is evident that the scarcity of working
opprtunities
Correct your spelling
opportunities
 resulting youths suffering from those problems.
This
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 essay will discuss how it has a detrimental implication on them
along with
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 the solution to overcome the given issues. Notoriously, younger workers are not always given equal opportunities in the
work
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 field. It is because there is still a growing dogma about their lack of competencies or lower level of working experience, which makes most employers mistrust them.
Hence
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, they
ended
Wrong verb form
end
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 up
receive
Change the form of the verb
receiving
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less
Change the quantifier
fewer
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 responsibilities or mediocre
work
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 that neither
sharpening
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sharpened
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 nor
enhancing
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enhanced
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 their potential. The evidence from
this
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 phenomenon can still be found at several companies in Indonesia, where newly recruited employees are compelled to perform tasks that
not
Add a missing verb
do not
show examples
 align with their educational backgrounds or actual competencies.
Therefore
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, in order to overcome that issue, future working staff are required to enhance their
skills
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.
For example
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, they can try to take online certificate classes or training programmes, which is now can be accessed online at an inexpensive cost.
Moreover
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, before trying to apply as a permanent worker, they can sign up as temporary or intern staff
in particular
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 companies to gain experience
as well as
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 sharpen their practical
skills
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 in real
work
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 life.
Therefore
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, it makes them not only just easily
adjusting
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adjust
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 themselves but
also
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 being already
prepared
Wrong verb form
prepare
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 for the compulsory
skills
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 that are needed when they successfully acquire jobs in the future.
To conclude
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, the younger generation can be greatly suffered from the scarcity of
work
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 opportunities. It is because they prevail to get equal working opportunities
due to
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 the renowned stigma of their lacking experiences or competencies.
Thus
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, to solve the issues they deem to improve their
skills
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 by following several programmes.

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Coherence & Cohesion
Ensure a clear structure by including distinct paragraphs for introduction, main arguments, and conclusion. Each paragraph should focus on a single main idea.
Coherence & Cohesion
Use linking words to connect ideas and paragraphs smoothly, which will improve the flow of your essay.
Task Response
Provide specific examples and detailed explanations to support your arguments. This adds depth to your essay and demonstrates a comprehensive understanding of the topic.
General
Work on proofreading your essay to correct grammar mistakes and improve sentence structures, contributing to the overall clarity and professionalism of your writing.
Task Response
Expand on your solutions by discussing how employers could also contribute to solving the issue of youth unemployment, providing a more balanced and comprehensive discussion.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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