IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Big salary is much more important than job satisfaction Do you agree or disagree? Provide relevant examples if necessary

#salary #job #satisfaction
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It is often argued that it is more advantageous to choose a
job
Use synonyms
 with
high
Correct article usage
a high
show examples
 wage, even
ifit
Correct your spelling
if it
 doesn't appeal to you at all. I completely disagree with
this
Linking Words
 opinion and think that
job
Use synonyms
satisfaction
Use synonyms
 is much more important than
salary
Use synonyms
.  First of all, I believe that
job
Use synonyms
satisfaction
Use synonyms
 gives people a sense of
fulfillment
Change the spelling
fulfilment
show examples
 that no money can guarantee. Even if someone is earning a high
salary
Use synonyms
, but feels tensed and compromises with his conscience,
this
Linking Words
 person won't enjoy his life,
While
Linking Words
 pursuing one's interests will always bring pleasure and
feeling
Correct article usage
a feeling
show examples
 of
satisfaction
Use synonyms
.
For example
Linking Words
, a lot of famous researchers made their career choices not because of appealing wages, but because they were passionate about science. Add
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
That's why it's more important to choose the kind of work that makes you happy than to look only at a high
salary
Use synonyms
.
Secondly
Linking Words
, doing what you like keeps you motivated and
therefore
Linking Words
 leads to
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
career growth.
In other words
Linking Words
, there is a strong
relation
Replace the word
relationship
show examples
 between
job
Use synonyms
satisfaction
Use synonyms
 and productivity. People who love their jobs can easily excel in their fields of work and achieve better results than those, who put
salary
Use synonyms
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the first place.
For instance
Linking Words
, Henry Miller decided to leave his everyday
job
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 despite a good wage and ventured to become a writer. And after enduring years of ups and
downs
Add a comma
downs,
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 he became one of the most famous and well-paid authors of the twentieth century.
Thus
Linking Words
,
advantages
Correct article usage
the advantages
show examples
 of jobs that keep you satisfied outweigh the
drawback
Fix the agreement mistake
drawbacks
show examples
 of a low
salary
Use synonyms
 in a long-term perspective. 
To conclude
Linking Words
, I strongly believe that
job
Use synonyms
satisfaction
Use synonyms
 is more beneficial than
high
Correct article usage
a high
show examples
salary
Use synonyms
 because it makes people happy and motivated
Submitted by fatema14mohammed on

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coherence cohesion
To enhance your essay and increase the score, consider enriching your introduction with a brief outline of the arguments you plan to discuss. This can make your essay's structure more transparent to the reader right from the start.
coherence cohesion
For a higher score in coherence and cohesion, try to vary your linking phrases more. Instead of repeating 'First of all,' 'Secondly,' consider other transition phrases like 'Furthermore,' 'Moreover,' or 'In addition,' to enhance the flow of your essay.
task achievement
To improve your task response score, delve deeper into the discussion by offering counterarguments to your position and then refuting them. This approach shows a more comprehensive understanding of the topic and strengthens your argument.
task achievement
Enhance the complexity of your sentence structures and vocabulary to convey your arguments more persuasively. Be cautious, however, to maintain clarity and avoid overly complex phrases that could confuse the reader.

Structure your answers in logical paragraphs

The easiest way to score well on the IELTS Task 2 writing portion is to structure your writing in a solid essay format.

A strong argument essay structure can be split up into 4 paragraphs, each containing 4 sentences (except the conclusion paragraph, which only contains 3 sentences).

Stick to this essay structure:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • remuneration
  • financial security
  • motivation
  • luxuries
  • material possessions
  • fulfillment
  • work-life balance
  • stress levels
  • mental well-being
  • job security
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