The chart and graph show the categories of the workforce in London and the unemployment rate within three groups. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The chart and graph show the categories of the workforce in London and the unemployment rate within three groups. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
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The pie chart and line graph
depicts
Correct subject-verb agreement
depict

It seems that the verb depicts does not agree with the subject. Consider changing the verb form.

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the
figure
Fix the agreement mistake
figures

It seems that figure may not agree in number with other words in this phrase.

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for three different types in London and the unemployment percentage of selected groups from 1993 to 2003.
Overall
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, half
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

people
Correct article usage
the people

It seems that there is an article usage problem here.

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work
Correct pronoun usage
who work

It seems that there is a pronoun problem here.

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in London
were
Wrong verb form
are

It appears that your sentence or clause uses an incorrect form of the verb were. Consider changing it.

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locals,
while
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

very few
people
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

came
Wrong verb form
come

It appears that your sentence or clause uses an incorrect form of the verb came. Consider changing it.

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from
English
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

-speaking countries.
Although
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

,
Remove the comma
apply

It appears that you have an unnecessary comma after the subordinating conjunction Although. Consider removing the comma.

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the unemployment rate of all groups dropped after a decade, folks who spoke
English
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

but were not native
Londoners
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

were in highly rate of losing their jobs and the fewest
Non-
Correct your spelling
non-English-speaking

The word Non-English-speaking doesn’t seem to fit this context. Consider replacing it with a different one.

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English
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

-speaking
people
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

were fired in the beginning. Looking at the graph in more detail, there were 8%
Change preposition
of employee
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Change preposition
of employee

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

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employee
Fix the agreement mistake
employees
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whose
Correct your spelling
who were

The word whose doesn’t seem to fit this context. Consider replacing it with a different one.

show examples
English
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

was
Unnecessary verb
apply

The verb was appears to be unnecessary here.

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fluent
losing
Wrong verb form
lost

It appears that your sentence or clause uses an incorrect form of the verb losing. Consider changing it.

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their work, socially, there
were
Correct subject-verb agreement
was

It seems that the verb were does not agree with the subject. Consider changing the verb form.

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only differing
by
Change preposition
of

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

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1% between the locals and
people
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

whose mother tongue was not
English
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

, with 4% and 3%, respectively. About four years later, only figures for native
Londoners
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

rose to 5%,
while
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

the others were diminished to around 7% and 2.4%. In the
last
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

year, all categories plummeted to 3%, 2% and 1%, and there was the same ranking, which was
English
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

-speaking
people
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

leading the way,
following
Wrong verb form
followed

It appears that your sentence or clause uses an incorrect form of the verb following. Consider changing it.

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by native
Londoners
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

and Non-
English
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

-speaking
people
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

.
It is clear that
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

in
London
Correct article usage
the London

It seems that there is an article usage problem here.

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employment market, employers preferred to recruit native
Londoners
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

, which accounted for 50%, incredibly, for those whose countries adopted
English
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

was
Correct your spelling
as

The word was doesn’t seem to fit this context. Consider replacing it with a different one.

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their prior language were extremely lower than
people
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

who were not
English
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

speaking, with 8% and 42%.
Submitted by Joanna on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
Vocabulary: Replace the words people, english, londoners with synonyms.
Vocabulary: The word "graph" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fourth paragraph.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • workforce categories
  • unemployment rate
  • trends
  • distribution
  • shift
  • sector
  • analyze
  • highlight
  • increase
  • decrease
  • compare
  • significant
  • observe
  • conclusion
  • summarize
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