IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The chart and graph show the categories of the workforce in London and the unemployment rate within three groups. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The chart and graph show the categories of the workforce in London and the unemployment rate within three groups. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
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The pie chart and line graph
depicts
Correct subject-verb agreement
depict
show examples
 the
figure
Fix the agreement mistake
figures
show examples
 for three different types in London and the unemployment percentage of selected groups from 1993 to 2003.
Overall
Linking Words
, half
Use synonyms
people
Correct article usage
the people
show examples
work
Correct pronoun usage
who work
show examples
 in London
were
Wrong verb form
are
show examples
 locals,
while
Linking Words
 very few
people
Use synonyms
came
Wrong verb form
come
show examples
 from
English
Use synonyms
-speaking countries.
Although
Linking Words
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 the unemployment rate of all groups dropped after a decade, folks who spoke
English
Use synonyms
 but were not native
Londoners
Use synonyms
 were in highly rate of losing their jobs and the fewest
Non-
Correct your spelling
non-English-speaking
show examples
English
Use synonyms
-speaking
people
Use synonyms
 were fired in the beginning. Looking at the graph in more detail, there were 8%
Change preposition
of employee
show examples
employee
Fix the agreement mistake
employees
show examples
whose
Correct your spelling
who were
show examples
English
Use synonyms
was
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
fluent
losing
Wrong verb form
lost
show examples
 their work, socially, there
were
Correct subject-verb agreement
was
show examples
 only differing
by
Change preposition
of
show examples
 1% between the locals and
people
Use synonyms
 whose mother tongue was not
English
Use synonyms
, with 4% and 3%, respectively. About four years later, only figures for native
Londoners
Use synonyms
 rose to 5%,
while
Linking Words
 the others were diminished to around 7% and 2.4%. In the
last
Linking Words
 year, all categories plummeted to 3%, 2% and 1%, and there was the same ranking, which was
English
Use synonyms
-speaking
people
Use synonyms
 leading the way,
following
Wrong verb form
followed
show examples
 by native
Londoners
Use synonyms
 and Non-
English
Use synonyms
-speaking
people
Use synonyms
.
It is clear that
Linking Words
 in
London
Correct article usage
the London
show examples
 employment market, employers preferred to recruit native
Londoners
Use synonyms
, which accounted for 50%, incredibly, for those whose countries adopted
English
Use synonyms
was
Correct your spelling
as
show examples
 their prior language were extremely lower than
people
Use synonyms
 who were not
English
Use synonyms
 speaking, with 8% and 42%.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words people, english, londoners with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "graph" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fourth paragraph.
▼
Topic Vocabulary:
  • workforce categories
  • unemployment rate
  • trends
  • distribution
  • shift
  • sector
  • analyze
  • highlight
  • increase
  • decrease
  • compare
  • significant
  • observe
  • conclusion
  • summarize
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