IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Many governments have laws that ban the sale and use of hard drugs such as heroin and cocaine, yet they allow people to buy drugs such as tobacco and alcohol. Laws that prohibit the sale and use of hard drugs should be applied to all drugs, including tobacco and alcohol. What is your opinion?

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In many countries around the world, narcotic drugs are prohibited
while
Linking Words
alcohol
Use synonyms
 and
cigarettes
Change the noun form
cigarette
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 sales are legal. There are many individuals who consider
tobacco
Use synonyms
 and alcoholic beverages to be drugs, arguing that laws should
also
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 ban these items.
Although
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alcohol
Use synonyms
 and
tobacco
Use synonyms
 cause harm to their consumers, I believe they should not be banned since they are still part of
societies'
Change noun form
society's
show examples
 cultures. A person's life can be irreversibly damaged by hard drug consumption. Heroin and cocaine,
for example
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, not only affect the body's health but
also
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 lead to high addiction, making users
dependents
Fix the agreement mistake
dependent
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.
Furthermore
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, being addicted to drugs can affect people's function, impeding them from working, socialising and looking after themselves.
In addition
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, family and partners suffer from psychological and material consequences
due to
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 the cost of treatment and the difficulty of seeing their loved ones suffering from drug addiction. Indeed, the damage created by hard drug usage is vast,
thus
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, governments have established laws to ban those chemicals from society. Meanwhile,
tobacco
Use synonyms
 and
alcohol
Use synonyms
 consumption can
also
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 negatively affect one's health. Smoking causes different types of cancer and heart disease,
whereas
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alcohol
Use synonyms
 abuse leads to domestic violence, health problems, and mental illness.
However
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,
although
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 smoking and drinking
alcohol
Use synonyms
 have negative impacts on humans, they are habits that have been inserted into human culture since the old eras, being associated with socialization and relaxation. Usually, people can drink and smoke at a considerable healthy level. In
this
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 context, the government can create laws to restrict cigarettes and alcoholic drinks
while
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 promoting healthier habits, but banning those items may result in negative reactions from the community. In conclusion, I believe that governments prohibiting alcoholic drinks and
tobacco
Use synonyms
 at the same level as hard narcotics is not an effective solution, even
tough
Correct your spelling
though
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 it can have negative effects
in
Change preposition
on
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 humans.
This
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 is because it's still part of people's culture to consume these items so the population can reprove
this
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 measure.

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sentence structure
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evidence use
Offering a wider range of examples and evidence would strengthen your argument, making it more compelling and enriching the depth of discussion.
grammar and accuracy
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introduction conclusion
You effectively introduced and concluded your essay, providing clear opinions and summarising arguments succinctly.
content relevance
Your main points are well-supported and relevant to the prompt, showing a good understanding of the topic.
coherence cohesion
The organization of your essay is logical, with paragraphs that flow nicely from one to the next, enhancing the overall coherence and cohesion.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Chronic diseases
  • Substance abuse
  • Psychological dependency
  • Social stigma
  • Preventive measures
  • Legislative framework
  • Healthcare expenditure
  • Judicial system
  • Prohibition era
  • Civil liberties
  • Tax revenues
  • Harm reduction
  • Ethical considerations
  • Public health policy
  • Addiction treatment
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