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Writing Samples
Band 4

the bar diagram shows Expenditure of two countries france and uk on consumers goods in 2010.

the bar diagram shows Expenditure of two countries france and uk on consumers goods in 2010.
The provided bar chart
inllustrates
Correct your spelling
illustrates
 the comparison of expenditure in five categories on consumer goods between France and The United Kindom in 2010. Unites were measured in pounds.
Overall
Linking Words
,
it is clear that
Linking Words
 both countries allocated the highest expenses for purchasing cars. Meanwhile, the most noticeable difference in terms of spending can be observed
on
Change preposition
in
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cameras
Correct article usage
the cameras
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 category. A comparatively higher expenditure can be seen when
Britan
Correct your spelling
Britain
show examples
purchasing
Replace the word
purchases
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 cars, books, and cameras. People in the UK spent amounting to 450
thousand
Use synonyms
 on cars, with
French
Correct article usage
the French
show examples
 behind by 50
thousand
Use synonyms
.
Additionally
Linking Words
, slightly over 400
thousand
Use synonyms
 of expenses on buying books, there was a 100
thousand
Use synonyms
 gap compared to French.
Finally
Linking Words
,
cameras
Change the noun form
camera
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 purchases were the one with
most
Correct article usage
the most
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 significant differences, with
brisith
Correct your spelling
British
 people spending more than 350
thousand
Use synonyms
 on
it
Correct pronoun usage
them
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while
Linking Words
 it witnessed
substantial
Correct article usage
a substantial
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 decrease with
200
Correct article usage
a 200
show examples
thousand
Use synonyms
 drop in terms of when in France.
On the other hand
Linking Words
,
in contrast
Linking Words
, French people
had
Verb problem
spent
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 more spending on computers and perfume, with
the
Correct article usage
apply
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expenditure
Fix the agreement mistake
expenditures
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 of approximately 375 and 200
thousand
Use synonyms
 respectively, showing relatively subtle variances with the UK.

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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Basic structure: Change the third paragraph.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words thousand with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "difference" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Expenditure
  • Consumer goods
  • Comparison
  • Significant differences
  • Categories
  • Analyze
  • Notable findings
  • Economic factors
  • Cultural preferences
  • Population size
  • Consumer behavior
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