IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3

Calorie source for UK males at different life periods. Bar graph

#calorie #source #uk #males #life #periods #bar
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Revealed in the following bar graph is data about the sum of calories from various types of food at three life periods (0-24,25-49,50+). Looking from an
overall
 perspective, it is readily apparent that the highest consumption
witnessed
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is witnessed
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 in pulses
at
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by
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 people aged over 50,
while
 vegetables are the least preferred products in all life periods. Moving to a more detailed analysis, dairy holds dominance (43%) from 0-24 aged people, which is approximately double
of
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apply
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the remaining age group’s
consumptions
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consumption
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. With regard to meat preferences,
25-49year-olds
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25-49-year-olds
 intake half of the total amount.
The
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A
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 similar trend is observed for 0-24 and over 50 age profiles at 20 per cent. When it comes to pulses and vegetables, the latter one is consumed the least between all age groups at 20% and less than a fifth respectively.
On the contrary
,
pulses
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pulse
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 products are mostly appreciated
in
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by
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 over 50
aged
Verb problem
apply
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, comprising 65%
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of peoples
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peoples
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people
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 which can be considered as 5 or 6 times more than that of others.
Submitted by writingbhos on

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structure
Ensure a clear introduction, body, and conclusion structure. Your introduction provided a good summary, but a clearer conclusion summarizing key findings could enhance your essay.
coherence
For a higher score in coherence and cohesion, make use of a wider range of linking words and ensure smoother transitions between ideas.
depth of analysis
Expand on the analysis of data. While you've covered the key points, providing a deeper comparison or explanation for observed trends could offer more insight.
sentence structure
Increase the variety and complexity of your sentence structures. Using a mix of simple and complex sentences can make your writing more engaging.
task understanding
You've done well in presenting data from various stages of life, and your awareness in comparing different food types based on life stages shows a good understanding of the task.
information selection
Your ability to identify and prioritize information, such as mentioning the highest consumption and least preferred products, is commendable.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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