IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

In many countries, people are consuming more sugar-based drinks that ever before. Why is this happening? What chould be done to reduce sugary drink consumption?

The trend to
drink
Use synonyms
 sugar-based
products
Use synonyms
 has
rose
Change the verb form
risen
show examples
 in the past few years. One of
salient
Add an article
the salient
show examples
reason
Fix the agreement mistake
reasons
show examples
 behind
this
Linking Words
 trend is the rising proportion of stressful events across the
worlds
Fix the agreement mistake
world
show examples
.
However
Linking Words
, it can be tackled with the firm
actions
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 from governments, which will be discussed in
this
Linking Words
 essay. The primary reason for
this
Linking Words
phenomena
Fix the agreement mistake
phenomenon
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 is the high prevalence of stressful events. It can be seen that several phenomena in
this
Linking Words
 world lately
has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
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 caused remarkable and detrimental impacts
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 society,
such
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 as
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
climate change and world war, which later intrigue them to experience psychological difficulties, mainly stress. Retrieved from Statista
this
Linking Words
 month, the data reveals that there are 89%
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people
Change preposition
of people
show examples
 globally
who
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
currently suffer from trauma and stress, prompting action to seek
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
coping strategies,
such
Linking Words
 as travelling or consuming things that can help
people
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to
Verb problem
apply
show examples
ease their feelings, and one of those is the consumption of sugar-based
drink
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products
Use synonyms
. The extended study
show
Correct subject-verb agreement
shows
show examples
, that since the beginning of climate change and
Ukraine
Correct article usage
the Ukraine
show examples
 war in 2021, the proportion of
people
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 who consumed sugar-based
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drink
Fix the agreement mistake
drinks
show examples
 has soared to 54% globally
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
 has been indicated
from
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by
show examples
 the surging
purchasement
Correct your spelling
purchase
 of several renowned
products
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such
Linking Words
 as
Coca Cola
Add a hyphen
Coca-Cola
show examples
 or Starbucks. Those
people
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 believe that the regular consumption of those
products
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 can significantly make them happier and less worried about
future
Correct article usage
the future
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, as nowadays
people
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likely
Add a missing verb
are likely
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 to feel uncertain about it
due to
Linking Words
 the world’s unstable conditions.
As a result
Linking Words
, the prevalence
from
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of
show examples
this
Linking Words
 condition can heighten the likelihood
to suffer
Change preposition
of suffering
show examples
 from some diseases
such
Linking Words
 as diabetes or stroke;
therefore
Linking Words
 the authorities are deemed to take
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actions
Fix the agreement mistake
action
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. In order to reduce the intake of sugar-based drinks, governments can start
conduct
Wrong verb form
conducting
show examples
 some
actions
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.
First,
Linking Words
increasing the
price
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 of sugar-based beverages. By
rising
Correct your spelling
raising
show examples
 the
price
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,
people
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 will
less
Add a missing verb
be less
show examples
 likely to buy the product, since
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
it prompts a particular thought that
people
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 will waste their money.
This
Linking Words
 radical solution has
seen
Correct your spelling
been
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 effective among Japanese citizens since their municipalities
decide
Wrong verb form
decided
show examples
 to culminate the
price
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 of sugar beverages in every
Fix the agreement mistake
restaurant
show examples
restaurants
Fix the agreement mistake
restaurant
show examples
 and
Fix the agreement mistake
retailer
show examples
retailers
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retailer
show examples
 by $2
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to
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until
Change preposition
to
show examples
 $5, eventually driving
people
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 to
drink
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 water
instead
Linking Words
.
Second,
Linking Words
subsidise a healthier
drink
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 option to substitute sugar-based drinks.
For example
Linking Words
, it can be seen in some Singapore streets where locals or tourists can easily find the fresh juice maker machine as part of the local
government
Change noun form
government's
show examples
 endeavours to reduce the percentage of
people
Use synonyms
 who suffer from diabetes
due to
Linking Words
 their regular consumption of sugar-based drinks. From those solutions, it can be said that some firm
actions
Use synonyms
 by governments can effectively lower the proportion of
people
Use synonyms
 who consume sugar-based
products
Use synonyms
. In conclusion, the high number of sugar-based
drink
Use synonyms
 consumers is notably intrigued by the peak number of stressful events that currently happen across the world, as they begin to see that habit as one of
effective
Add an article
the effective
show examples
 coping strategies. To reduce that number;
therefore
Linking Words
, local municipalities can start to take
actions
Use synonyms
such
Linking Words
 as increasing the
price
Use synonyms
 of sugary
products
Use synonyms
 and
allocate
Wrong verb form
allocating
show examples
 more funds to a healthier beverage option in order to substitute the sugary
products
Use synonyms
.

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Structure
Try to structure your paragraphs more effectively by using a clear topic sentence at the beginning and then developing your point. This will enhance the clarity and coherence of your essay.
Linking
To improve your coherence, consider adding linking words or phrases between sentences and paragraphs to guide the reader through your argument in a smoother way.
Introduction
Make sure that your introduction includes a clear thesis statement that outlines the main points of your discussion. This will provide a solid foundation for your essay.
Conclusion
Your conclusion is effective in summarizing the main points and restating your position. Continue to practice this as it strengthens the overall argument of your essay.
Vocabulary
Use a wider range of vocabulary to express your ideas more precisely and avoid repetition. This will enhance the quality of your essay and engage your reader more effectively.
Evidence
Remember to support your arguments with specific examples or data. This strengthens your claims and makes your essay more persuasive.
Task Response
Your essay effectively addresses the task by exploring reasons for increased sugar-based drink consumption and suggesting viable solutions.
Examples
Your use of examples, such as the situation in Japan and Singapore, adds credibility to your arguments and helps to illustrate your points clearly.
Conclusion
The conclusion of your essay is strong and effectively wraps up your arguments, reinforcing your position on the issue.
Word Count

IELTS says that you should write a minimum of 250 words in writing task 2. If you go under word count you will lose marks in task response.

A very long essay will not give you a higher band score.

Aim for between 260 to 290 words in writing task 2. This will ensure a concise essay and will be realistic in terms of time management. You have only 40 minutes to write the essay and you need around 10 minutes of planning time, so you will not be able to write a long essay in 30 minutes.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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