In many countries, people are consuming more sugar-based drinks that ever before. Why is this happening? What chould be done to reduce sugary drink consumption?
The trend to
drink
sugar-based products
has rose
in the past few years. One of Change the verb form
risen
salient
Add an article
the salient
reason
behind Fix the agreement mistake
reasons
this
trend is the rising proportion of stressful events across the worlds
. Fix the agreement mistake
world
However
, it can be tackled with the firm actions
from governments, which will be discussed in this
essay.
The primary reason for this
phenomena
is the high prevalence of stressful events. It can be seen that several phenomena in Fix the agreement mistake
phenomenon
this
world lately has
caused remarkable and detrimental impacts Correct subject-verb agreement
have
in
society, Change preposition
on
such
as the
climate change and world war, which later intrigue them to experience psychological difficulties, mainly stress. Retrieved from Statista Correct article usage
apply
this
month, the data reveals that there are 89% people
globally Change preposition
of people
who
currently suffer from trauma and stress, prompting action to seek Correct pronoun usage
apply
for
coping strategies, Change preposition
apply
such
as travelling or consuming things that can help people
to
ease their feelings, and one of those is the consumption of sugar-based Verb problem
apply
drink
products
. The extended study show
, that since the beginning of climate change and Correct subject-verb agreement
shows
Ukraine
war in 2021, the proportion of Correct article usage
the Ukraine
people
who consumed sugar-based drink
has soared to 54% globally Fix the agreement mistake
drinks
that
has been indicated Correct pronoun usage
which
from
the surging Change preposition
by
purchasement
of several renowned Correct your spelling
purchase
products
such
as Coca Cola
or Starbucks. Those Add a hyphen
Coca-Cola
people
believe that the regular consumption of those products
can significantly make them happier and less worried about future
, as nowadays Correct article usage
the future
people
likely
to feel uncertain about it Add a missing verb
are likely
due to
the world’s unstable conditions. As a result
, the prevalence from
Change preposition
of
this
condition can heighten the likelihood to suffer
from some diseases Change preposition
of suffering
such
as diabetes or stroke; therefore
the authorities are deemed to take actions
.
In order to reduce the intake of sugar-based drinks, governments can start Fix the agreement mistake
action
conduct
some Wrong verb form
conducting
actions
. First,
increasing the price
of sugar-based beverages. By rising
the Correct your spelling
raising
price
, people
will less
likely to buy the product, since Add a missing verb
be less
they
it prompts a particular thought that Correct pronoun usage
apply
people
will waste their money. This
radical solution has seen
effective among Japanese citizens since their municipalities Correct your spelling
been
decide
to culminate the Wrong verb form
decided
price
of sugar beverages in every Fix the agreement mistake
restaurant
restaurants
and Fix the agreement mistake
restaurant
Fix the agreement mistake
retailer
retailers
by $2 Fix the agreement mistake
retailer
Change preposition
to
until
$5, eventually driving Change preposition
to
people
to drink
water instead
. Second,
subsidise a healthier drink
option to substitute sugar-based drinks. For example
, it can be seen in some Singapore streets where locals or tourists can easily find the fresh juice maker machine as part of the local government
endeavours to reduce the percentage of Change noun form
government's
people
who suffer from diabetes due to
their regular consumption of sugar-based drinks. From those solutions, it can be said that some firm actions
by governments can effectively lower the proportion of people
who consume sugar-based products
.
In conclusion, the high number of sugar-based drink
consumers is notably intrigued by the peak number of stressful events that currently happen across the world, as they begin to see that habit as one of effective
coping strategies. To reduce that number; Add an article
the effective
therefore
, local municipalities can start to take actions
such
as increasing the price
of sugary products
and allocate
more funds to a healthier beverage option in order to substitute the sugary Wrong verb form
allocating
products
.Submitted by ru.kabiru.biru on
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Structure
Try to structure your paragraphs more effectively by using a clear topic sentence at the beginning and then developing your point. This will enhance the clarity and coherence of your essay.
Linking
To improve your coherence, consider adding linking words or phrases between sentences and paragraphs to guide the reader through your argument in a smoother way.
Introduction
Make sure that your introduction includes a clear thesis statement that outlines the main points of your discussion. This will provide a solid foundation for your essay.
Conclusion
Your conclusion is effective in summarizing the main points and restating your position. Continue to practice this as it strengthens the overall argument of your essay.
Vocabulary
Use a wider range of vocabulary to express your ideas more precisely and avoid repetition. This will enhance the quality of your essay and engage your reader more effectively.
Evidence
Remember to support your arguments with specific examples or data. This strengthens your claims and makes your essay more persuasive.
Task Response
Your essay effectively addresses the task by exploring reasons for increased sugar-based drink consumption and suggesting viable solutions.
Examples
Your use of examples, such as the situation in Japan and Singapore, adds credibility to your arguments and helps to illustrate your points clearly.
Conclusion
The conclusion of your essay is strong and effectively wraps up your arguments, reinforcing your position on the issue.
Word Count
IELTS says that you should write a minimum of 250 words in writing task 2. If you go under word count you will lose marks in task response.
A very long essay will not give you a higher band score.
Aim for between 260 to 290 words in writing task 2. This will ensure a concise essay and will be realistic in terms of time management. You have only 40 minutes to write the essay and you need around 10 minutes of planning time, so you will not be able to write a long essay in 30 minutes.
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