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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The bar graphs illustrate the proportion of who watched reality and game shows in men and women and 16-24, 25-34, 35-44 and 45+ age groups in Australia.

The bar graphs illustrate the proportion of who watched reality and game shows in men and women and 16-24, 25-34, 35-44 and 45+ age groups in Australia.
#bar #graphs #proportion #reality #game #men #women #age #groups #australia
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The bar charts above present the number of
females
Use synonyms
 and
males
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 and
16
Correct article usage
the 16
show examples
-24, 35-44 and 45+
age
Use synonyms
 groups who watched
real life
Add a hyphen
real-life
show examples
tv
Correct your spelling
TV
show examples
 and
game
Use synonyms
 shows in Australia. The horizontal axes show the different
age
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Use synonyms
group
Fix the agreement mistake
groups
show examples
 and
females
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 and
males
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 yet the vertical axes illustrate the sum of
people
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.
Overall
Linking Words
, there were more
females
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 than
males
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 watching reality shows
whereas
Linking Words
 more
males
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 watched
game
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 shows than
females
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.
Moreover
Linking Words
,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
most
people
Use synonyms
 watching both
Use synonyms
game
Fix the agreement mistake
games
show examples
 and reality shows were from the
age
Use synonyms
group
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 45+ with 140
people
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.
On the other hand
Linking Words
,
25
Correct article usage
the 25
show examples
-34
age
Use synonyms
group
Use synonyms
 had the least persons watching
game
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 shows with nearly 40
people
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. Almost 40
males
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 and well over 60
people
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 in the
age
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group
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 of 34-44
years
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 old spend their time viewing reality shows. The total of
people
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 in 25-34 and 35-44 watching
game
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 programs was almost equal. 50
people
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 from 16-24
years
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 viewed
game
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 shows. 45+
years
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individuals
Change preposition
of individuals
show examples
 watching
game
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 shows were double that of 35-44 and 25-34
years
Use synonyms
. 16-24 and 25-34 who watched
real life
Add a hyphen
real-life
show examples
 shows were more than
males
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by dubeallen10 on

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words females, males, age, game, group, people, years with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "shows" was used 10 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "almost" was used 2 times.
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