The bar graphs illustrate the proportion of who watched reality and game shows in men and women and 16-24, 25-34, 35-44 and 45+ age groups in Australia.

The bar graphs illustrate the proportion of who watched reality and game shows in men and women and 16-24, 25-34, 35-44 and 45+ age groups in Australia.
The bar charts compare the proportion of Australians who watch
reality
and
game
shows by sex and
age
.
Overall
, a higher
rate
of females watch
reality
shows than
males
while
an equal
percentage
of
males
and females watch
game
shows. Those over 45 watch
reality
and
game
shows the most
whereas
16 to 24
age
groups and 25 to 34
age
groups watch them the least respectively. Starting with the graph of
reality
shows, the
rate
of female viewers is 70%, which is twice as much as that of
males
.
Then
, the
age
group with the lowest
percentage
is 16 to 24 with slightly over 50%.
In addition
, there is a gradual increase in viewership as people
age
since approximately 60% of 25 to 34
age
groups watch
reality
shows and the
percentage
of viewers from 35 to 44 goes up a little higher with slightly under 70%.
Lastly
, those over 45 have the highest
rate
with just below 70%. Turning to the viewership for
game
shows, there is not a significant change in the rates between
males
and females with slightly above 60% and about 60% respectively.
First,
almost half of those from 16 to 24 watch
game
shows.
Secondly
, the
rate
of the 25 to 34
age
group hits the bottom at just below 40%
while
that of 35 to 44 is around 40%.
Finally
, the highest
percentage
of people over 45 view
game
shows with slightly under 70%.
Submitted by mizuho on

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Vocabulary: Replace the words reality, game, age, rate, males, percentage with synonyms.
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "proportion" in your introduction.
Vocabulary: The word "shows" was used 9 times.
Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 4 times.
Vocabulary: The word "just below" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: The word "slightly" was used 4 times.
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