Some employers offer their employees subsidized membership of gyms and sport clubs, believe that this will make their staff healthier and more effective at work. Other employees find no benefit doing so. Discuss both views.

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Some employers have provided
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
their
employees
Use synonyms
a free
membership
Use synonyms
to get into
gyms
Use synonyms
and
sport
Change the noun form
sports
show examples
clubs, under the idea that
this
Linking Words
will make their
emplyees
Correct your spelling
employees
much
healtier
Correct your spelling
healthier
and more effective at
work
Use synonyms
. Other
employees
Use synonyms
have found no positive effects on doing
this
Linking Words
.
While
Linking Words
some
employees
Use synonyms
have not found any benefit for
employees
Use synonyms
offering
membership
Use synonyms
for
gyms
Use synonyms
, I believe companies that offer a
membership
Use synonyms
card for
gyms
Use synonyms
will have a
healtier
Correct your spelling
healthier
staff and
emnployees
Correct your spelling
employees
will be much more effective at
work
Use synonyms
. On the one hand, some
company's
Change noun form
company
show examples
owners found no positive effects on providing
membership
Use synonyms
for
gyms
Use synonyms
because
they
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
employees
Use synonyms
might not use it, so
this
Linking Words
will be a waste of money.
Firstly
Linking Words
, many
workers
Use synonyms
have two jobs during the day, and it would be very hard for them
thinking
Change the verb form
to think
show examples
about going to the gym.
Also
Linking Words
, the vast majority of
workers
Use synonyms
are not interested
on
Change the preposition
in
show examples
working out
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
their spare time because they
found
Wrong verb form
find
show examples
it very challenging.
For instance
Linking Words
, many factories in California have huge
gyms
Use synonyms
and they have hundreds and hundreds of machines that
no body
Correct your spelling
nobody
show examples
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
interested
to use
Change preposition
in using
show examples
, so these rooms are usually a waste of money.
However
Linking Words
, I believe that
gyms
Use synonyms
are crucial to educate
employees
Use synonyms
to teach them the importance of doing some
exercise
Use synonyms
during the day.
Ont he
Correct your spelling
On the
show examples
other hand,
big
Add an article
a big
show examples
portion of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society
believe
Correct subject-verb agreement
believes
show examples
that
gyms
Use synonyms
need to be part of their jobs for
healty
Correct your spelling
healthy
health
reasons.
To begin
Linking Words
with, many companies have
offer
Change the verb form
offered
show examples
to their
employees
Use synonyms
getting paid for doing some
exercise
Use synonyms
during the break time, so
this
Linking Words
will improve their
employees
Use synonyms
' health. More importantly, if people start doing some type of physical
exercise
Use synonyms
, they will be much more effective at
work
Use synonyms
, so productivity might be
positive impact
Replace the word
positively impacted
show examples
by
this
Linking Words
. There is a
believe
Replace the word
belief
show examples
that people who
work
Use synonyms
out tend to have
much
Change the quantifier
many
show examples
productive ideas at
work
Use synonyms
. To illustrate
this
Linking Words
, several
researches
Correct your spelling
researchers
show examples
state that people who do some type of physical
exercise
Use synonyms
tend to be
smater
Correct your spelling
smarter
smaller
than the rest of society. I believe
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
this
Linking Words
is a much better way of supporting
employees
Use synonyms
who want to have a much
productive
Correct quantifier usage
more productive
show examples
day for their
work
Use synonyms
.
To conclude
Linking Words
,
eventhough
Correct your spelling
even though
some employers refuse to support
gyms
Use synonyms
for their
workers
Use synonyms
because
thy
Correct your spelling
they
show examples
might not use them, I strongly believe, it is preferable to promote physical
exercise
Use synonyms
for
workers
Use synonyms
to increase better thinking and effective
work
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by cuevas14dic on

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Structure
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Content
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Style
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Introduction
You have a strong introduction that clearly presents the topic and your view.
Conclusion
The conclusion effectively summarizes your views and restates your position.
Opinion & Discussion
You have successfully discussed both views and provided a clear opinion, which is great for task achievement.

Your opinion

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Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

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...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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