Some employers offer their employees subsidized membership of gyms and sport clubs, believe that this will make their staff healthier and more effective at work. Other employees find no benefit doing so. Discuss both views.

Some employers have provided
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
their
employees
a free
membership
to get into
gyms
and
sport
Change the noun form
sports
show examples
clubs, under the idea that
this
will make their
emplyees
Correct your spelling
employees
much
healtier
Correct your spelling
healthier
and more effective at
work
. Other
employees
have found no positive effects on doing
this
.
While
some
employees
have not found any benefit for
employees
offering
membership
for
gyms
, I believe companies that offer a
membership
card for
gyms
will have a
healtier
Correct your spelling
healthier
staff and
emnployees
Correct your spelling
employees
will be much more effective at
work
. On the one hand, some
company's
Change noun form
company
show examples
owners found no positive effects on providing
membership
for
gyms
because
they
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
employees
might not use it, so
this
will be a waste of money.
Firstly
, many
workers
have two jobs during the day, and it would be very hard for them
thinking
Change the verb form
to think
show examples
about going to the gym.
Also
, the vast majority of
workers
are not interested
on
Change the preposition
in
show examples
working out
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
their spare time because they
found
Wrong verb form
find
show examples
it very challenging.
For instance
, many factories in California have huge
gyms
and they have hundreds and hundreds of machines that
no body
Correct your spelling
nobody
show examples
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
interested
to use
Change preposition
in using
show examples
, so these rooms are usually a waste of money.
However
, I believe that
gyms
are crucial to educate
employees
to teach them the importance of doing some
exercise
during the day.
Ont he
Correct your spelling
On the
show examples
other hand,
big
Add an article
a big
show examples
portion of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society
believe
Correct subject-verb agreement
believes
show examples
that
gyms
need to be part of their jobs for
healty
Correct your spelling
healthy
health
reasons.
To begin
with, many companies have
offer
Change the verb form
offered
show examples
to their
employees
getting paid for doing some
exercise
during the break time, so
this
will improve their
employees
' health. More importantly, if people start doing some type of physical
exercise
, they will be much more effective at
work
, so productivity might be
positive impact
Replace the word
positively impacted
show examples
by
this
. There is a
believe
Replace the word
belief
show examples
that people who
work
out tend to have
much
Change the quantifier
many
show examples
productive ideas at
work
. To illustrate
this
, several
researches
Correct your spelling
researchers
show examples
state that people who do some type of physical
exercise
tend to be
smater
Correct your spelling
smarter
smaller
than the rest of society. I believe
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
this
is a much better way of supporting
employees
who want to have a much
productive
Correct quantifier usage
more productive
show examples
day for their
work
.
To conclude
,
eventhough
Correct your spelling
even though
some employers refuse to support
gyms
for their
workers
because
thy
Correct your spelling
they
show examples
might not use them, I strongly believe, it is preferable to promote physical
exercise
for
workers
to increase better thinking and effective
work
.
Submitted by cuevas14dic on

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Structure
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Content
Provide clear examples to support your main points. This will strengthen your arguments.
Style
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Introduction
You have a strong introduction that clearly presents the topic and your view.
Conclusion
The conclusion effectively summarizes your views and restates your position.
Opinion & Discussion
You have successfully discussed both views and provided a clear opinion, which is great for task achievement.

Your opinion

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Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

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