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Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

In some countries, the government has tried to reduce traffic of city centre by imposing a congestion tax on vechicles during rush hour. Do you think development is positive of negative?

#countries #government #traffic #city #centre #congestion #tax #vechicles #rush #hour #development
It is prevalently observed that the authority has tried to reduce traffic
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
city
Correct article usage
the city
show examples
 centre by imposing a
congestion
tax
 on
vechicles
Correct your spelling
vehicles
 during rush hour. From
this
 aspect, questions about whether
this
 phenomenon is a positive or negative development are raised. In my opinion, imposing a
congestion
tax
 is ideal. Irrefutably, citizens are more likely to utilise public transport.
This
 is because, with the implication of
congestion
tax
, they spend a small amount of transportation costs to take the transport compared to driving vehicles and rarely pay
congestion
 taxes.
This
 obviously leads to saving money and
this
 turn to allows them to spend money
other
Change preposition
on other
show examples
 aspects,
such
 as housing rent, education, and living costs. What is more,
although
 the
convienience
Correct your spelling
convenience
 of driving cannot be ignored, those who are not driving become healthy. In actual fact, traffic studies undertaken by experts have revealed that individuals walking or using transports tend to walk at least 30 minutes a day compared to
drivers
, they can have positive effects
such
 as weight loss, high concentration, and better health conditions, so they live a better quality of life.
Nevertheless
, the pressure
of
Change preposition
on
show examples
drivers
 is
rise
Wrong verb form
rising
show examples
. To specify, since
drivers
 have to spend a great deal of money every time to pass
rush
Add an article
a rush
show examples
 hour, they attempt to change their driving time to after peak time, so the road may have
other rush hour
Change the wording
another rush hour
other rush hours
show examples
 than
previous
Add an article
the previous
show examples
 period.
To conclude
, the pressure
of
Change preposition
on
show examples
drivers
 is
rise
Wrong verb form
rising
show examples
 but citizens are more likely to utilise public transport and those who are not driving become healthy.
Thus
, imposing a
congestion
tax
 is ideal.
Submitted by subin12260 on

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Vocabulary & Complexity
Consider enhancing the complexity of your sentences and incorporating a wider range of vocabulary to more effectively express your ideas.
Coherence
Although your essay has a strong structure, try to link your ideas more smoothly to enhance the overall flow.
Examples & Support
Include more specific examples and data to further support your points and make your argument more persuasive.
Task Response
You've effectively outlined your opinion and provided a clear stance on the issue, which contributes positively to task achievement.
Structure
The essay structure, including a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion, supports coherence and cohesion well.
Paragraph Organization
Your paragraphs are well-organized, each focusing on a single main idea, which aids in clarity and coherence.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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