The graphs give data about proportions of the results of a research at a new shopping mall in Auckland, New Zealand

The graphs give data about proportions of the results of a research at a new shopping mall in Auckland, New Zealand
The above-given pie chart mentions the reaction rate of a
research
program conducted at a shopping mall. The chart has been divided
in to
Join the words
into
show examples
four broad categories namely, Satisfied, Very satisfied, Dissatisfied and No comment.
According to
the data, most of the individuals were satisfied with the
research
. About 60 per
cent
of people fall under
this
category
whereas
11 per
cent
of audiences were dissatisfied with the content. 10 per
cent
of people were with an opinion of no comments
on the other hand
17 per
cent
of participants were very satisfied with the program. The chart shows an
overall
opinion of opinion-holders as quite positive.
For
instance
Add a comma
instance,
show examples
about 80 per
cent
of the voters rated the
research
program as effective by voting for satisfied and very satisfied categories.
In contrast
, only
few
Change the article
a few
show examples
per
cent
had a negative impact on it.
It is clear that
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
the
overall
reaction of people
were
Change the verb form
was
show examples
great.
To conclude
, the survey result shows a positive attitude of individuals towards the
research
done. The
research
appears to be really useful.
Submitted by praneeth2094 on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "overall".
Basic structure: Use less body paragraphs.
Basic structure: Change the third paragraph.
Basic structure: Change the sixth paragraph.
Vocabulary: Replace the words research, cent with synonyms.
Vocabulary: Only 6 basic words for charts were used.
Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 3 times.
Vocabulary: The word "shows" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the sixth paragraph.
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