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Band 5.5

The graphs give data about proportions of the results of a research at a new shopping mall in Auckland, New Zealand

The graphs give data about proportions of the results of a research at a new shopping mall in Auckland, New Zealand
The above-given pie chart mentions the reaction rate of a
research
Use synonyms
 program conducted at a shopping mall. The chart has been divided
in to
Join the words
into
show examples
 four broad categories namely, Satisfied, Very satisfied, Dissatisfied and No comment.
According to
Linking Words
 the data, most of the individuals were satisfied with the
research
Use synonyms
. About 60 per
cent
Use synonyms
 of people fall under
this
Linking Words
 category
whereas
Linking Words
 11 per
cent
Use synonyms
 of audiences were dissatisfied with the content. 10 per
cent
Use synonyms
 of people were with an opinion of no comments
on the other hand
Linking Words
 17 per
cent
Use synonyms
 of participants were very satisfied with the program. The chart shows an
overall
Linking Words
 opinion of opinion-holders as quite positive.
For
Linking Words
instance
Add a comma
instance,
show examples
 about 80 per
cent
Use synonyms
 of the voters rated the
research
Use synonyms
 program as effective by voting for satisfied and very satisfied categories.
In contrast
Linking Words
, only
few
Change the article
a few
show examples
 per
cent
Use synonyms
 had a negative impact on it.
It is clear that
Linking Words
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 the
overall
Linking Words
 reaction of people
were
Change the verb form
was
show examples
 great.
To conclude
Linking Words
, the survey result shows a positive attitude of individuals towards the
research
Use synonyms
 done. The
research
Use synonyms
 appears to be really useful.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "overall".
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Basic structure: Use less body paragraphs.
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Basic structure: Change the third paragraph.
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Basic structure: Change the sixth paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words research, cent with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Only 6 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "shows" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the sixth paragraph.
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